Over the years you have diminished me.
Whether or not you did it intentionally,
you caused my light to shrink in some way.
However, I now see with crystal vision
that two things happened simultaneously.
You made me feel undeserving and I let you.
I allowed you make me believe that I was not enough.
 
Shame on me for giving you power over me.
I gave you permission because of how I really felt about myself.
The real tragedy here was my inability to deflect your
insecurities,
small mindedness,
selfishness,
control issues,
arrogance and
envy.
 
I absorbed your ugliness believing I could shield you from yourself,
but instead I gave your monsters free range.
And so they flourished.
I took on those things like I was the one who caused them in you.
And you let me.
 
But now that my eyes are open, I became very angry with you.
You might never know it though, because I had to let you go.
You weren’t worth my anger and I had to forgive myself.
But if you someday find yourself confronted by me,
it means I couldn’t let you go.
But that, I’m back but want you to realize I am no longer your
dumping ground,
24/7 emotional rescuer,
enabler,
passive vessel.
 
Because I let you back in,
don’t think for a second that I don’t know you can be
calculating,
jealous,
neurotic,
afraid,
egotistical and
passive aggressive.
 
If you feel the need to use those crutches to keep building walls,
or stumbling blocks or podiums, don’t do it on my time because
I will keep tearing them down.
It won’t work any more.
I’ve seen through you.
You are crafty and you are stoic.
But most of all, you are afraid.
I see who you are but I have also seen who you can be,
in those sunlit moments of honestly and openness.
I believe you are worth keeping.
If only you could see what I see.
If only you could let go and truly start to soar.
 
Truthfully, I don’t know why I’m still waiting for you to get over yourself.
In the past, I allowed you to use me as your sponge.
I absorbed the things you didn’t want to face about yourself.
Well, I’m giving them all back to you.
They were yours to begin with and my patience is wearing thin.
 
You no longer diminish me because I understand my worth.
I understand my place and my purpose.
I’m comfortable in my skin.
However, your space in my life will keep shrinking if you refuse
to acknowledge your part in this.
So here, these old patterns belong to you.
Now you must deal with them so you can really start to
live,
dance,
pursue your dreams,
laugh deeply,
smile easily,
stop judging,
love unconditionally,
relax,
have the courage to be yourself
and for once and for all,
discover happiness is your choice.
 
Until then, I’ll be here dancing under the moon,
or riding waves,
or traveling to far places,
or walking on the beach,
or skipping down the garden path,
or counting stars
hoping you will join me.

transformation, personal growth, getting go, resilience, self-esteem, self love, personal truth, hope, strength, standing alone

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Charles Bukowski Maya Angelou Margaret Atwood