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I don't know what to call this...just a bunch of words

you touch me
and it feels right...
...but it feels wrong
your hands down my body
 and all I can think of
     is them
         their hands
         their bodies
           forced upon mine
 
i want to so deeply for you to use force
to be aggressive
   to be rough
because....
       because then i could just go far away
         i’d still be pleasing you
             just not aware of how
 
your breath on my shoulders
the sounds i hear you make...
...it feels like you want me
     but then i feel his breath
          hear him
 and I am far from you
           with him
            frightened
              used
               nothing
 
 
                              you try to comfort me
                                  i try to please
                                       but you see through me
                                          you stop
                                            i cry
                                               you hold me
                                                   i can’t
                                                      you understand
                                          but the guilt ever gnaws away
                                            acceptance of what they took
                                                                  from me
                                                                      from us
                                                                                ...is so hard

(2015)

This is a poem about trying to be intimate with your loving partner ... whilst trying to overcome rape and sexual assault.

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