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Bittersweet Wreckingball

A twisted disposition of mixed emotions and half-truths

A bittersweet wreckingball’s all that I am,
I take people’s pain away because I can,
But pain doesn’t just flee, it needs somewhere to go,
And that somewhere is some place that only I know.
 
I consider myself to be a good friend,
My helping hand I continue to lend,
When I see someone’s down I’m instinctively nice,
But recently question if it’s just a vice.
 
I’m good with advice, I’m wise from the years,
But advising myself only brings me to tears.
I’m living in fear, from what I don’t know,
There’s something inside me, I can’t make it go.
I keep trying to tell myself what I should do,
But no matter the message it never gets through.
The second I take a step into my mind,
I can’t comprehend all the things that I find.
Think of remainders of torture chambers,
Choirs on fire in burning containers.
Blood, death, execution,
Poison, toxic gas, pollution.
 
It’s not a place I want to go, a place I want to be,
So focusing on others takes the limelight off of me.
I can’t be strong for myself, so I’ll be strong to help others,
Do all I can to help friends, sisters and brothers.
Seeing a problem from an outside perspective,
Gives me the ability to be more perceptive,
And with this on side I become protective,
Objectives become clear now I’m more receptive.
 
I’ve been referred to as a guardian angel,
Then why do I feel like the angel of death?
I bully my body, I torture my mind,
And I take from myself til I have nothing left.
An angel of kinds? Not an angel at all.
If I had wings I would learn not to fall.
I fall so far down that there’s no one around,
That thing people call love is yet to be found.
 
My bitterness amplifies when I’m alone,
A sweet wrapper cloaking a heart made of stone
Is the best definition for someone like me,
Seemingly unhurt and always happy.
When inside there is hatred for every last thing,
I keep spirits high so you don’t see my sting,
While you think I’m being nice I contemplate taking your life,
But then just before I snap I somehow put away the knife.
 
A bittersweet wreckingball’s all that I am,
I take people’s pain away because I can,
But pain doesn’t just flee, it needs somewhere to go,
And that somewhere is some place that only I know.
 
If you haven’t stopped reading you must be intrigued,
The pain’s whereabouts is yet to be conceived,
Interpret depending on what you believe,
But know that my soul will eternally grieve.
When someone shares their pain, I can feel the full range,
And determine how to make these feelings change,
So I offer up the sweet, while I draw in all the bitter,
And to the person’s former pain, I become the sitter.
But even when they say the hurt is gone,
In me it still lives on.
Eternal anger, hurt and fear,
Suicidal thoughts so clear,
Heartbreak, betrayal, every last fail,
Every tear from a thousand tales.
 
So why do I do it? It’s like I’m the sponsor,
Feeding and fueling my self-induced monster.
It screws with my head but then why do I care?
My head is now vacant, I’m no longer there.
 
A bittersweet wreckingball’s all that I am,
I take people’s pain away because I can.
So place all your problems right here in my hand,
Give me everything but your love, I’ll understand.

(2014)

This isn't about just one person in particular, it was written
over a period of about 6 months.

#EmotionFriendship #Hope #Love #Loyalty #Trust

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