i think i will always be like this.

there is medicine that could take it away, sure

and i know it is immature

and not  “well thought-out” but

i just don’t feel like myself

when i am medicated.

i just don’t feel like myself

when i am not sad.

it’s not good for me.

i make less

despite the general consensus.

i yell at people, or i am sullen.

i give up on things that,

when i take the pills,

i start to miss.

and there is an ache.

there is a dull pain

in my stomach and chest

that i always have when

i am sober.

apparently it is the problem

but i’m pretty sure it’s

the only part of myself

i recognize.