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Please and Thank You

They say it’s the thought that counts, but I certainly hope not.
If that is correct, then I am well and truly Fucked.
My thoughts are the only place that show what I really am,
Selfish and possessive, startlingly bold.
I don’t think there is a place in polite society for the likes of me without my masks.
It feels like I could bring down the whole world if I’m not careful.
So, I don’t act on the things that matter most to me.
I let you go when you walk away,
Instead of latching on to your throat and laying your body across the the ground,
The way I want to.
When you smile and look at me, I look away first.
It is a courtesy that I don’t hold your gaze until you are forced to acknowledge that it is more than a friendly look I’m giving you.
When you can’t see,
I stare at you with intentions that could ruin you.
I ache to lay bare to you all that I am, every secret.
To place the burden of my true nature on your shoulders,
Even though I know it will make you stoop with the weight of it.

(2014)

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