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My affair with a man I could never have

Adam.

Why do you change so fast when we come into contact.. when it comes to the two of us intertwining effortlessly molding our bodies to one. Like animals of the dark fighting over the last scraps of a broken heart, trying to fill our own. is this what you want for nights on end? This can’t be what you imagined when your tongue traced my neck and my hips found refuge against your torso .. Because if so, why do you ignore me the next morning after a long night of kissing and rubbing skin. Does it hurt you to know I can never be someone you can hand hold in public, or that you will never be the man I bring home to family functions. What runs through your mind at the latest hours of night, a part of me yearns to be those thoughts that keep you up and hold your breath tight. Yet you sleep soundly and I’m the owner of the  mind that runs through the hours at it’s fastest. I want you to look at me with reassurance that I’m not just a sex object to fill the lonesome space upon your king sized mattress. But a comfort you reside yourself into for that feeling of safety and love. I want to be the perfect one, not for anyone but you, yet I know the feelings you have for me are not true. I will never be wedding bells or a family for you, I am the lust that lingers on your lips and satisfies your untouched body. I am the vulnerable yet eager smile that caught your eye when you caught mine. I am the substitute until the real position is filled, I am the witness of a murder and my heart is the killed.

(2015)

I hooked up with a man who was basically like my boss

#LessonLearned

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