Loser Lady
To you
It’s really ridiculous, this whole obsession. It’s not an obsession, I can’t come to those terms.
You suck.
No! I’m lying. I love you.
I’ve loved you since I realized you were walking this earth with me.
Such a coincidence, everything. Fate, Destiny, You, Me, We.
It’s not like I love you, cuz I don’t.
But you know I do.
It’s not like I need you. But I honestly think I do.
You’re everything i’ve ever imagined you to be. You and Me.
But it’s nothing like it should be.
Despite Fate forever working in our favor, It will never be.
Maybe it’s me.
Maybe i’m wrong. It’s nothing like I always imagined.
For these moments, it feels like, I’ve known you forever.
Cept, I don’t know you, and it has not been moments, but years.
You really don’t understand what goes on in my brain.
In there, we were perfect, yet, struggling with the torture of being unfamiliar.
It would take time, I thought. Then things would be right.
That time turned into weeks, and months, and here we are.
Still, unfamiliar, lonesome, apart, wrong.
I believe it will be right, but then again, I always thought it was right.
When actually you had no idea I even existed.
And now its Valentines Day about two years later.
Awkward encounters, spotty conversations. But really, whats that. Nothing.
And that is what I have. Nothing.
I’ve never really had anything quite as perfect as I always imagine.
But I guess I’ll keep imagining and one day maybe you’ll come say hey and talk to me.
Cuz you know I love you.
I thought you did too, but I was wrong. Like a majority of the things in my life.
I sit here on V—Day, with my V—Card, single—but thats never changed.
I convinced myself years ago to never expect or get excited for anything.
Bad, or maybe good advice that I live by today.
Yet, I’m alone. I’ve always been.
And I continue to be disappointed by my expectations.
I’m blessed, I have a great life, but there is something thats always been missing.
I thought it was you.
(2013)
