The Logic of Anti-Sosh
Mister Chairman;– er– ah - when
We right-thinking business men
Are treated with much scant– um– er - civility,
I say the time has come
For us to– er– ah– um –
To defend our rights and– er– respectability.
We are right, sir, to defend
Our interests. And the trend
Of present legislation is - fantastic, sir.
That is– er– the only word
To describe it. It’s absurd!
And calls for opposition– um– er - drastic, sir!
And– ah– sir. I think I can
Say this meeting to a man
Is distinctly Anti-Sosh and– er– and sensible;
And holds that Labor aims
And Socialistic claims
Are visionary and– um– reprehensible.
We are ready to resist
The– ah– rabid Socialist,
Who’s as great an anarchist as any Russian, sir!
And the Labor party’s laws
Are tyrannical! (Applause.)
Which– er– brings me to the subject of discussion, sir.
Regarding telephones:
The Labor Party (Groans)
Seems to think it can oppress us with impunity.
But I hold, sir, it is plain
That the benefits we gain
Should be paid for by– that is– the whole community!
As an Anti-Socialist,
Mister Chairman, I insist
(If that gentleman who interjected recently
Will endeavour to restrain
His impatience, I’ll explain.
I’d remind him we conduct these meetings decently).
Mister Chairman, to resume.
When I look around this room
On the members of this– er– great society,
And consider we’ve to pay
For these benefits, I say
It’s– er– bordering on– um– on impropriety!
The– er– people, sir, should bear
(What’s that?... I protest, sir! Chair!
This– er– person who seems bent upon confusing me
With his most unseemly din
I don’t know how he got in
Cannot shake my argument, sir, by abusing me.)
And I answer him, sir, Bosh!
Bosh! How dare he call me Sosh!
Our position is invinc– er– ah - invincible!
His remarks, sir, I resent,
And I hold my argument
Is a basic principle of– um– of principle!
As my worthy friend, Bruce Smith
(Bosh sir!... Petriana myth!...
Six hitters!... Marriage tie!... er - Confiscation, sir!
Um– er– break up fam’ly ties!...
Lies, sir! Socialistic lies!
Alarming capital and immigration, sir!)
Now - (Eh!... Order! Sir, I claim
Your protection! What’s his name?
Is this man a member? Sir, show your authority!
An imposter, I’ve no doubt.
Ha, I thought so! Put him out!)
Now the motion... Carried! by a large majority.
