The Key
Sad little run on lyrical love stuff.
The pain it just gets longer.
The pain only stronger
The length and depth of space
That cannot be measured
No trace or place
A void of illusion
A grating intrusion.
No way to set myself free
I can think no more
No more of you and me
It’ll tear me apart
It already has
Because I no longer recognize my own heart
For is it there at all?
I miss the smell of you still in my hair
It’s not ok that you don’t care.
Yet I could never hate you
I simply accept it, grin and bear
For doing what for your own heart is only fair
Back and forth as hurt often does
It’s not ideal you cannot dare.
But in my mind you’re always there
These walls by now they know my stare
When I’ve none but them with this to share.
Ive not a single choice
Not a chance
I’ll always hear your voice
Falling in my ear
Lips close to my ear.
Sipping away the fear.
I could’ve played it loose
We could’ve played it fun
But then you refused
And so then I gave in
only to be torn in two.
Why can we not have that back?
It ended up tearing perfection in two
Cultivated love and then you were through.
It’s an awful thing you do.
Everything we could’ve been
Is waiting to be viewed
As a gift that you utterly refused.
And I don’t have the strength anymore
To hold on to you
Lesson learned on the end of too soon
If there comes a time youve seen the wrong
God this song is drunk with the memory of you
I hate the very speaker it is playing through
I never knew an ache like this
I never knew a stillness
An emptiness, not like this
Never like this.
I never knew a calm
Like I felt with you.
all went quiet and
And there was art in that kiss.
How is it you could you do this?
Maybe I pushed it away until it was too late
You believe for yourself its too late?
And I feared it so.
It isn’t so
But it’s funny
Yea it’s funny
I wanted to go with the flow
But then it was treason
So I let it all go
Only to hear next
Youre just be too afraid to be baited
Or are you too cruel or too jaded?
life will move slower now
I’ll never know another
I wouldnt even know how
I’d call you an accident.
But look how far we came?
I feel you when I close my eyes
Sleep comes and so does shame
I shouldve never played your games
When I knew they were being played
But I can not regret how the earth moved
When I knew it was always you
I had no will to choose
I just loved you
Nothing I could do
Nothing I could do.
What have we done?
if you ever find the strength
I’m right here
Silence haunts me
Emotions consume
And it’s ok
Perhaps I like it yet
I never asked you to feel this way
You didn’t know what to say
Yet still it tore my heart away.
It’s commendable
But still a slow death
Hurts more than a sudden scythe
Just let me know it’s the last breath
Through the seeds I planted
The ones that in the winter grew
Into something true
And spring tore it in two.
You just could not see it.
So against my will I’m through
But my mind won’t tell my heart
They departed and split before I knew my part
Just kill it faster than what has been done
I beg that unless you do not want to run
You know if we executed the serious
You and I could be alright.
You know we were right.
Before I said too much
And hurt your trust
Before I saw how you’d abuse my trust
Just to get a touch
When all you had to do was ask
You see how we have misunderstood?
One another, both at fault
But it could turn into what it should
Instead this double sided assault
Instead of locking it within a vault
Of which you have the only key
I’d have you come back to me
We could life bring and resusitate
I was there for all, it’s not too late.
Im Sorry I turned too human for you
You didn’t even think to ask what put a nail
All the way through.
It was true
For a moment
I knew it was true
Your the one
What I was looking for
It was always you.
But there was no rush
No need of labels
Just drowning together steady and stable
Now I drown In this blue
I’m sorry for what I did
But how long will you make me suffer
Remember we felt like kids
No one made me speak like you.
I knew it would be twisted
And still in grew and grew
Until it hit a ceiling and had to be cut through.
I wish I could tell my soul its through
Wash this image of us away
Wash these images
Clean the slate
Start anew
But that’s a fantasy
These images in my mind
Will not erase what I feel
This is real
And in the real I am subdued
Never having a clue of what truly ensued.
Hand on my face
What I let you do
Was my fault
And you let me go
The day the rain fell
What a day to love
What a day to quell
Such a flame
Such a steady flame
Never to go out
I’ll always feel this way
I’ve said it, said it so many times
But never this way
I never knew true pain
Not until you.
I cannot even tell you I miss you
Because my strength has waned.
I dare not look out the window pane
For it’s rays the mind it glazes
And I have not strength to speak your name
Like the moon in which I see our phases
I wanna whisper I feel our phrases
Taste you in the softest crazes
Laughter in those embraces
I felt it In the throes
We could’ve met those goals
This was real, real to me you know?
Silence it in the silence
Your the noise I cannot escape
The silence that in me breaks
My soul in two
A heart can be broken many times
But never have I felt a piece of my self taken
Stolen In so short a time
I wonder now have I ever given it away?
Even let someone kill
The very air I breath?
I never felt dramatic until
My heart bled out of me
Into a splintered soul
I’ve heard of a broken heart.
But shattered now is my soul.
Fragments I’ll not find the pieces of
Again.
And now I’ve no voice of my own
Not allowed to speak the tears that I have shown
To no one
in this I am alone.
I saw you
Straight through all in you hated.
Why did you treat me so?
Did you not see how I was elated?
but you only saw a liar
Or did you just not want to tend the fire
Did you just not want to work on something that could’ve lasted life entire
Could’ve raised eachother higher
What matters how our brains are wired?
That’s what love does
Or did you not know?
Makes roses of the bed of briars
Heals the pain
Giving all we could desire
Where confusion peace transpires
Oh love did you not know what we had
I’m bleeding and it will not be stopped
Times I regret it so and others I cannot help but relive memories that peace
But the pain it will not cease
There was nothing ugly nothing bad
It sprung from our own shame
Our own psychological mire.
We were so much the same
All I ever did was inquire
I hear your name in the silence
You were all that I admired.
Your the one
Forever.
You made the madness in me
into the eye of a storm
A black hole into a star
Took the formless and put it in form.
Yes we had so to go far.
But we could’ve beaten it all
You had but to me demand
I’d have led you from a raging sea
Onto a dry and lushly flowered land
No I never knew this pain in me
Until I took your hand.
Until I took your hand.
Now I’m out of a sea and buried beneath the sand.
I give in, I give up
There was only you
In only us I understand
In sleep I get no peace
For your also there within.
Dreams kill me
And in wake it is the same in peace upon
If Going back was an option
For all else is gone
There is only you and only me
There is only this eternal bond.
I knew you in the womb
And I’ll know you in the grave
I’ll know you as my doom
And I am to this a slave
For now I know I am not brave
For time does moves too slow now
I cannot get used to it
For to much away I gave.
I never needed anyone to save
Only to lay by me in the night
And laugh with me by day.
What are you doing?
Do you know
What you give away?
My world is gray
My world is gray
The color isnt there
And neither can I say
I hold the demons here at bay.
If there was anything I could do
To prove
What you think you saw
Isn’t what you thought you knew
It wasn’t me
But you just refused to see
Almost like it was an excuse, your ruse
If there was anything I could do
To prove
I am absolutely in love with you
You would not listen
But I’d catch you as you fall
And be behind you when standing tall
Take up for you through it all
And fight for you if there came a call
You just would not care
Why can’t you say the truth.
Instead of pretending your just not there.
What is it you are playing at?
I cannot disappear
Until I hear from your own mouth
You do not need me near.
Why these days can no one speak clear?
Can no one be fair?
Yet I am the one with problems?
How can you say so
So your discomfort spared?
When if I’m a problem
It is ours to share
Or you could say quite clear you don’t want me there.
If I could backtrack
What I wouldn’t do
Then what was the point?
Had I never locked eyes with you.
There is a long time to go now
To see the point of all this and be through
To see there in this was there something true?
I beg of time to fast forward to then
Over all that could have been
Skip the souls slow death
Take the hearts steady breath
The body lives on
Our eyes glow is gone.
But the pain might be the lesson
But if I’m honest I’d feel it again and again
Just to smile with you my friend.
To lay near you
Not a movement but breathing in
Is it really through?
Tell me before I lock it tight
And push in far within
What you thought I was
I never was but then
You judged me by a piece
And so proudly knew your verdict.
Why blind yourself to all the good?
And focus on the small and sick
I only stood before you naked
Because that was my trust in you, within.
All because I thought first you were an often friend.
I balanced on your wavelength
and clearly heard inside your song
Why did your feeling dwindle more
When mine just becomes more strong?
No, I cannot bring this out again
This pain I’ll not suffer long
But then what good is such a vow?
That I can never again set free
For how I wish I would never now
Have so soft and easily
given you, handed over
The one and only key.
As my power I relinquished
As I gave up my only key
And I forgot to lock it anyway.
Right before I gave it away.
For then I had no fear
Now you’ve nothing left to say.
And try as I might I cannot turn away.
No just beckon unto me
You know, I’ll never turn away.
I’ll let you know.
When I’m feeling brave
Maybe I’ll let you know
I never wanted to be saved.
Only stand beside you
As we laugh into the grave.
You may now be relieved
and I so bereaved.
But it’s a mistake this distance
Teach me patience within my tomb
We will always help eachother through the gloom
Give it room
Come back to me.
One more day that I cannot lose you
One more day that you shall not choose me
But I’ve dark on my neck that said you claimed me.
But it meant nothing to you.
Yet everything to me.
Give it a chance once more.
I unto you Implore
Use that single key.
Not a skeleton, it’s for only me you see?
You have the only key to me.
And I gave it willingly
And no matter the circumstance I’ll not take it back.
I’m forever upon your track.
A pain ne’er relieved
For within your cage I’m surely free.
Ill simply wait upon you patiently
Rotting upon the steel.
Bones that belong to you
Until you cut me with words
And set me unwilling free
Waiting patiently
for you to see.
A lifetime is worth it until
For a million more for you to realize
It’s me and only me
Its you and I’ll resign to the power
The hour you took my soul into thee.
This fruit will never sour
And growing the tree will ever be.
Kill it now, set it free
Cut me loose
It’s for you to choose
Or hold yourself Into me.
We could be all you ever wished to be
I’d give you all of me
Happy and free
Happy and free
You and me.
Call to me
Your the only one
I could never be done.
Know peace.
My love.
Know peace
This is a final confession
For I’d wait for years to see
Results.
Because I am you
And you are me
Why not both?
No matter how long I grieve.
I’ll leave it up to you.
Up to you to give a truth
To present such a drastic deed
Just bring it anew my love
Let your heart and soul finally seeth
Even though I did conceive
We could have played this soft and free
From the divine and such love.
Physical yes, yet free
I trick you not
I’ve nothing up my sleeve.
No illusion
Just inclusion
Of what I know is meant to be.
So do your weapons sheath
Come to me uninhibited
And You’ll surely see.
But you have to love
You have to believe
Slow as it comes
I’m here
Here when you believe
Yes, Ive certainly bereaved
For I cannot force you to love
Nor in me believe
Grab it while its close
Run and to me seize
Or cut me loose quickly
Or let me give you
What you need
That soft enteral relief
I lie not.
I lie not.
You must know through your empathy
I, so for you grieve
It is for you, only you, that I truly bleed.
—C.R.S
I'm working on so many poems but because lyrical stuff just comes out faster I never get the others up til perfect. These run on pure emotion..it's why they can get so long as I just keep writing....I have like 10 privatized...after I lost my last phone I put everything up no matter how unfinished.
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