Denial as Usual
It’s a challenging thing, trying to accept that you actually have some value as a human being. That someone, somewhere has to care about you in some capacity, when all you’ve ever been shown is that you fall short of 'enough’. I can’t be the one to satisfy you, I can only be one of many who try. I will never be wanted in the way I need it. You take your hand and place it on my breast, my flinch tells you everything. You readjust, your hand is on my heart, “You can still want me in there, right?” I nod, it’s true, but they don’t just want that. They never, just, want that. Why can’t I want what they do? What everyone does? Why can’t it be easy to love me? Who gives me the right inadvertently hurt people? I wish I could crawl into someone else’s skin, and understand how to want what I was born to want.
Fuck you heartbreak high for giving us a relatable ace storyline. I will not be recovering soon.
