Reminiscing You to Stay
But how I looked at you the second I saw your smile
and my heart filled with something so heavy my eyes
wanted to kiss what they were seeing,
how can’t that be worth not leaving?
The moments you’d scoop me up and we’d colapse into
one another
in the most perfect array
of a human pretzel
felt just like meant to be.
How whatever piece you are
fits a missing one in me,
here’s the beginning of my seam,
pull me apart if you go,
I’d crumble to see you leave.
This city is empty
I can’t doubt that opinion
but when things die around you,
there still are some living.
& we can make right, here .
I’ll help you just because
my God
how I want to.
Like how you said you like helping me,
like bringing me water in the morning
and nyquil to help me sleep
like the nights we stay up late
because our words needed us more
than our sleep.
Like how you let me use your number
when I filled out applications
Like how I cried my burdens on your shoulder
to ease my own frustrations.
Here. I don’t know where else to go
either.
The weather is dull
the tourist season feels like fever,
but here. Is where you came crashing into me
and here isn’t where you could just up and leave
from
tight spaces hold you down
I know the feeling but
tight spaces get un-wound.
Wait it out..
And I wondered last night what I’d do
If your choices were something I could choose
For you, I think I would, for your own happiness
Tell you to go
Watch you leave, but then just pull you right
Back next to me.
I watched you play football
With our friends and their sister
When everyone screamed you would let out this
Absurd animal shriek
I said
That would be Cale..
It made me stupid happy.
I remember when you told your mom
We didn’t sleep
So we won’t be kayaking
Because now you just have to make pancakes.
The onetime I saw you cry
Your tears in my mind
We’re miniature earthquakes
I wanted to shake
Their weight from you.
I loved the other night you told me your feelings
Like I loved my earliest years of holidays like I loved
Puddle jumping in the rain at eight
You said I never felt for anyone this way
And the look in your eyes was some sort of heavy
Genuine kind
I apologized for all my doubt and worry about us
That I built up
While I was rambling my insecurities away
But man, was it lovely how you just smiled and said
It’s okay
You had a lot to say.
Now I’m reminiscing away,
Subconsciously reminiscing
You to stay.
You are smart and kind
With a brain so brilliantly bright
It could make your eyes water.
I’m not done hearing your laugh everyday
Or feeling your forehead kisses before you walk away.
And I don’t know when I will be,
You saw my empty and you filled me.
Onetime we made love I was writing love poems in my head
And when I’m your bed my insomniac head
Let’s me rest.
And as long as there’s this now stronger beat in my chest
I will want to keep filling our memories in it.
Know this, that,
I love you for listening to every word I ever have to say
I love you for being patient
when most would have walked away.
And for carrying me to my room
when I fell asleep on the floor
I love you for a hundred reasons
by next week half a hundred more..
I love the way you carry yourself and love you for always staying true
love you for the way you laugh, and how you squint your eyes when we shower in your bath
and the way I can always find the ryans belt
right under your neck
Love you for the way you look at me
when I get undressed.
Despite how awfully I look at my own self,
I love you for all the reasons I could never love anyone else.
So while I’m reminiscing you to stay,
I’m changing my mind.
I’m pressing rewind
and then pause
thinking of how missing you
is the reason I felt sad at all.
And how your happiness makes my sorrow
look so suddenly
small.
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