I hate the moments where you leave me
on my own to wait for you,
sitting here in the company of my own imagination,
not yet independent of the fear of losing love.
When I sit there waiting,
I feel uneasy.
The absence of the certainty of your company
really triggers me.
I’m afraid to allow myself to settle fully,
though feeling settled is what will solve that painful restlessness
that prevents my mind to be able to focus.
With the memory of us all still being together
followed with the pain in the manner that that was torn apart,
watching two people who had before been the guardians
of that which was most precious to me
tear out each others heart.
That precious thing became but a memory lost in the numbness,
the moments together passageways into darkness....
It took too long for it all to reach a conclusion;
5 years of going through the hell of your dissolution.
And from your dissolution we could not disassociate.
All three of us were left to deal with the fate
that you would not take responsibility for.
Imagine what kind of emotions we were left to feel,
Yes I know about you two, you made it clear.
But you forgot that we were also here.
Be glad the three of us chose to heal.
Written May 3rd 2016