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My German Wife

She believes in doing things right.
 
She would do anything for anyone if
it helped a person be closer to her idea of right.
 
She would never eat a lamb chop without mint jelly,
just as pork hocks must accompany sauerkraut.
 
Even if it’s robbing a bank, it should be done well.
 
And if imprisoned on bread and water,
she would make bread pudding.
 
Lincoln walked five miles to pay a 2 cent library fine,
but Doris has driven 20 miles to return to Publix a bruised orange.
 
She is tidy: Christ could walk on water,
but she could walk across a pig pen and not get her sneakers muddy..
 
She is fastidious in many ways, but also frugal.
She has more joy in getting a bargain at Bealls
than she would a free frock from Saks.

(2001)

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