I title this poem a dream. See I ran from my past only carring the marks an lessons learned. Knowing love wasn’t meant for me. Every time I fall in love something goes wrong I try to hard give to much. I give the best parts of me until nothing is left an after I’m hollow. As dark souls I spend my time looking for her. Forever wandering because they aren’t her.So I pray to a god who has a good sense of humor. Because he sends me exactly what I ask for then takes it Away. Only if I fall in love respect the gift care be gentle trust to remind me Love wasn’t meant for me. It’s been three years since I actually loved someone. Anything in between was to past time nothing serious no true affection . As I grew money land cars the finer things all fell in place women fell at my feet I loved myself  . Traumatized visions of my past reminded me they weren’t her. See I dated in those three years . Every moment was hell my past was written on the stars on the alarm clock every morning sun every stop sign hell the wind whispered her name
I never replied to long texts because I don’t care anymore  I ran miles escaping someone that believed I could love them But I wasn’t happy. I can’t I arrived 1567 miles away upon my arrival I could here a voice lulling me closer my hollow chest began to leak blood I coughed as spiders escaped my mouth my chest formed a heart this new me still believing the dream I said it was time to Die again .
when you meet that person you just know. I took off my knee pads and placed on my Blind fold peeking one last time I looked up an saw a clear sky. The wind blew an I heard no voice. I asked her name and when she turned around a shiver down my spin peeking again I fell in her eyes drowning sucking  out My soul she spoke words no human could speak these words only known to me.  breaking down the wall of protection i had built to keep out emotion. I knew I was gonna die. I returned everyday as her shadow. Picking up every piece of her story. I told myself don’t catch feelings. She dropped a apple I grew as a tree waiting in place for her everyday hoping as she passed I’d learned more about her. I started to pray but I couldn’t because god would give me a test an my heart jumps it panics anxiety fills the air I lose breath branches break when I’m around her if a problem occurs I want to fix it. To please her An honestly I never care about Anyone strictly business. and i been alone a long time Im not scared of anything but I am nervous and scared. That I’m gonna wake up she won’t be here. So I find it hard to stay away I haven’t felt human for a long time. Because I know the last time I fell for someone my soul left my body spent years waiting for this resurrection. Anyone speaking of love was given 100 feet. But I won’t hold back I looked closer to find in her eyes scars of her exact same as mine her  past she was strong she didn’t desire being resurrected I began healing her she fought me. Then healed me. because she knew We both were once weak. So the last bit of humanity I have left. I held her hand for hours in a car. an said let’s not wake up. We closed our eyes I  prayed to god. I opened my eyes she was gone.