For years now, people have been talking            about my heavyness. Some might have said I was fat and whether they were joking or not that shit hurt because it made me feel insecure about myself and on top of that I had people telling me not to eat or I’ll get BIGGER!

         These words hurt....just like the vision of somebody sticking a knife into the front of my chest leading to my heart and coming out of the back.
           
           These words hurt so much that every time I go home I sit in my room while its totally swooned and I pour my eyes out for hours.
           I kept hearing people saying the same thing about my thickness Aka fatness and I was getting tired of it so tired that blood started firing up inside of me.
             I was mad and didn’t wanna live anymore.
               Annihilation.
           I denied myself food and liquids of any kind.
         3 weeks went by without me eating and I felt like collapsing right in my tracks.
           2 more weeks went by and so that makes 5 weeks all together ive went without devouring any food.
               My ribs felt like they were caving in and I was getting so skinny that my skin started hugging my bones and I also started feeling cold in 100° weather.
     My mouth as dry as the sahara and my stomach was so empty that you could hear echo’s in it, so empty and silent that you could hear ones breathing and the blink of someone’s eyes.
     The depthless and inconsiderable feeling I felt left me with a headache.
       
         Another week went by which makes a total of 6 weeks and by this time I was a complete train wreck.
   I was so anemic that all I could do was lay in bed, but I got up anyway and walked out of the house barefoot since my feet were so lanky for my shoes......and I threw on my robe since I was so angular for any of my clothes.....

   I went to my moms where all my family members were.
     
         All eyes on me shockingly.
   
   My mother asks what have I done?
 
                         I yell and say!
                 “ I DID WHAT YOU WANTED! SURPRISE MAMA ”
           She looks me up and down and says “honey, why u change yourself... you were perfect just the way u were!?”
     
     The words that flew out of her mouth was unbelievable so I said “ MA, IF I WAS SO PERFECT THE WAY I WAS THEN WHY DID U SAY THAT I NEEDED TO EAT LESS AND THAT I WAS BIG AND U DIDNT WANT ME TO GET ANYBIGGER? BUT I DID WHAT U TOLD ME AND STOPPED EATING CAUSE LIKE U USE TO SAY ”NOONE WOULD EVEN NOTICE I STOPPED EATING, BECAUSE I WAS JUST THAT BIG..."

     Ma u did this to me.