My thoughts
To demons alike.
Do tears really dry?
What have I done?
I know the answer,
Every sin in the bible,
I am so impure it would take
A thousand priests to purify me.
My wounds that have been inflicted are by my own hand
Yet I ask if tears of blackness stain?
Of course they do of course,
They burn like acid
They sting like fire
I have one question left,
The thing I desire has no life,
Is it true it does not exist?
Is it true that love does not exist for me?
That question has no answer.
My eyes are hollow,
Cold yet glittering.
How you ask?
By tears dark as night.
My hair may not be as dark as my soul.
But don’t let appearances trick you,
That will be your demise.
The hollow thing that stands before you,
Isn’t as it seems.
I have made my mistakes,
Hurt my fair share of people,
Crushed many dreams by the click of my tongue.
I never wished to be this way,
So of course I am still a sinner.
I wish that I could beg for forgiveness,
But I can never forgive myself.
For me to name all the sins I’ve done would take from dawn to dusk.
Yet the pain only gets worse,
Like a heartbeat hurts.
Moving hurts,
They say have these,
Just take a fistful,
Then no more pain,
For just a little while.
The darkness in my heart,
Only grows darker.
Everyday,
Every hour,
Every minute,
Every second,
Every breath until there isn’t one left.
You see what comes out on paper,
The thoughts that you never knew.
Things never said aloud,
You never imagined these.
The real reasons,
The real pain.
I bet you have questions,
Like “Does the pain ever stop?”
The answer is no.
It doesn’t, it’s relentless, eternal.
Until our souls cease to exist and fade,
It will never stop, the familiar thrum will never stop.
In the deepest parts of our minds it will exist.
I say we because there are others just like me.
I may say I a lot but I know,
That there are others who feel the same.
(2014)
This poem was in my greyest moment. Everyone has them, a time where all the things you've done have caught up with you.
