I woke up with the urge to write, listening to some music and while sipping my wine.
At times, I wish this certain pain could go away sooner than later. I trusted someone and got emotionally/mentally screwed over so bad in return. After being so utterly reassured of different things from them. I fooled myself through their lack of actions. My heart hurts so badly when I think of this. I had to admit to this pain internally.

Pain changes you and at times it’s not for the better. I watch as I gave all the care in the world for someone who deserved none of it. My foolish heart and feelings were a part of this, getting caught up in your believable words, filled with deceit. I have questions that I had to ask myself like why am I surprised? Why did I tolerate such things? I do blame myself in this and accept my part of the pain. Trust that was once received is now broken with quickness.Painfully, I had to learn you can’t walk in, giving your heart all naively.

Writing this was so hard for me, I tried to hold back those tears. Torn in between a rock and hard place of where I had to face the facts and my tears. Emotionally I may feel broken, just thinking of all that I had succumb myself to, some days are better than others. But I will go on for sure, like I do every day, I just had to reflect mentally.

I have to forgive my heavy hurting heart and me, for not wanting to see that a person didn’t see the real me. The vulnerability that I carry from this situation is so real. I’m letting it free flow, right here and now. When it comes to the matters of your heart, you can’t always share freely with everyone. I call it baring my soul. I’m doing the baring for me; truthfully it’s not for everyone to know.

Along the way, I had to realize I deserved way more than anyone could ever give me right now. Music and wine, yeah it does something to me in a calming way. Pain is never to be considered love and love is not be pain, for that’s disappointment.
Never wait to see if a person who love or cares for you, to see or find the value of you. If they haven’t seen it they’ll never see it. See the value in yourself always.

written by:
Poetic_ Butterfly
©July 19, 2015