Restore the factory settings of my heart
Eight thousand puzzle-piece
butterflies
fill the memory carded banks
of discarded blank
cyberspace Alzheimers.
An empty room with silhouetted views,
creating illusion imitating
hallucinations
of a promise to reinstall the words lost
to safety proof
false parachutes.
Without canvas-sized,
indestructible evidence
or ink—based remembrance—
only erasable by flames,
flood or
unsigned credentials
fallen hand in glove
into
overenthusiastic forgetfulness.
there remains to be seen
a virus immune to tonic,
vaccine,
or innocent naive dreams
capable of murdering,
erasing,
and deleting every letter
conceived by keyboard finger-fucking.
Here sits a love sick junkie
with his head in the clouds
which would rain purple-hazed
words on the handful around;
those who remain concrete laced
flat on the ground in silence
while the sky promises rain -
yet only delivers clouds thundering sounds
of yesterday’s romantic morose cries.
The dreams and visions of publicized ambition
dead
to files of hard—drive suicide—
by pornographic escapism,
prism-shaped with temporary reflection
of a soul due to expire.
Teadless and tired
in need of eternal service with supervision
by technology and savvy technicians -
mechanics of the afterlife,
while sighs of a Leonard Cohen existence
drown out the cries
of a bad cup of immortality.
Red-eyed mornings with deleted history
control-shift-n
and go go incognito
of a different kind.
free of decision or any conscious mind -
without a driver at the wheel
deciding the turns,
for any burning yearning sensation to stay,
go, hop-off and arrive.
The destination won’t be seen alive.
Even as stains of lead will remain after death
with every orchestrated fable and tale
told by its grey-eyed author immortal,
while multidimensional gurus of ancient fires have stories and songs
done wrong by sins
of broken-telephone
though burning in hearts, souls,
and every orifice available to spark -
still end up with the scent of unholy shit.
The blank void of all memory is all that remains
throughout every special momentous occasion with hard-copy refection
or recollection of that holy time and spiritual place -
I await judgement and punishment
or divine rejection,
for falling in love and forgetting to save.
in 2018 my laptop containing my life's work (8,000 poems, 3 novel manuscripts and all of my recorded song demos +-20) fried and died in digital suicide. At the time I had never heard of 'online clouds' etc. and after a few months of taking it from one computer store to the next, I accepted that it was gone forever.
The months that followed were spent blacked out on a one-way trip to my early death (I wasn't even 27 yet) and I had no intention of ever writing anything again.
one morning, in Nov / Dec 2019, I woke up and saw the above text typed into my phone's 'notepad free' app. I had been beyond drunk the previous day / night and I had no recollection of writing it. I found a wine stained page with the handwritten first draft as well.
