Helping Others
When I was a child,
I didn’t dream of what was to come,
my dreams were always wild,
nightmares of where I had come from.
When I was a child crying each day,
I didn’t know to wish or to hope,
to close my eyes and pray,
I only struggled to find a way to cope.
I heard the screaming,
as it carried through my home,
I heard his lying and scheming,
as his interest did roam.
I heard her fury as it rose within,
she wasn’t strong enough,
to fight back against him,
but her little girl wasn’t so tough.
Every breath I took,
seemed to stir up rage,
and even though I shivered and shook,
I was still the one locked in a cage.
With only my pillow to hang on to,
and love only animals could give,
my body struggled but it still grew,
it was foolish enough to want to live.
I didn’t ask to be born,
to be riddled with pain from day one,
I didn’t expect to be faced with scorn,
and wish my life was done.
But there was nothing but pain around me,
at home, at school, it didn’t matter,
and as the cruelty continued to surround me,
I just wanted an escape,
a chance to finally feel safe,
to be away from the endless hate,
I had no concept of faith.
It was surrender, the only mercy I knew,
and I wanted a chance to be free,
of all of the torture that in my home did brew,
of all the tumult and misery.
In my mind love had to be earned,
so I did my very best to be good,
and hoped I would finally be understood.
But all of my efforts were met,
with a blind eye,
and I soon came to regret,
the fact that I even bothered to try.
I was ready to give up and end it all,
but for all the love I wasn’t shown,
that didn’t stop a child so small,
from being the purest love ever known.
It was born in me,
to be a light,
it was born in me,
to find a way to delight,
even if it took me years,
even if it took me longer,
even if took me millions of tears,
even if I was forced to be stronger.
I surrounded myself with friends,
who shared my knowing of love as truth,
and my heart did heal and mend,
because of the pets I have now and had in my youth.
Now I make it my goal,
to help others who are alone,
whose life has taken a toll,
on the love they have always instinctively known.
If I can heal one heart,
with the knowledge I have gained,
then I will know even from the start,
It was worth every bit of my pain.
I will love more fierce,
than any power they had over me,
and my love will pierce,
every ounce of their misery.
You didn’t win,
even with all the suffering you were designing,
I was always hidden deep within,
and now finally I’m here and shining.
(2013)
