Bullies and Bastards
Five years I’d suffered the bullies and the bastards,
Five years I’d suffered the pointers and the laughers.
But I could see light, at the end of the tunnel.
The five years of running, of fighting.
It was coming to an end, but then,
You asked me again....
And at every waking opportunity,
You begged and pleaded with me,
At the end of days that I’d spent running,
From the playground bullies, lungs gunning,
For every breath, to keep legs pumping,
Just to get me past a lonely lunch hour
Then there was the mad, minutes of waiting.
Of getting the bag ready, so books could be dumped in,
When the bell sounded at the end of the day,
I’d be out first, to beat the bastards,
Who’d be at the gates to bar my way.
I had escaped, horray!
Out of sight, is not out of mind,
Of the bullies and the bastards that tortured my time.
For if safe at the end of a school day,
I’d shed my tears,
In a secret place where I could stay,
Until I could pretend to be carefree and gay.
I’d practice the things that I would say,
To my mum who would ask, did you have a nice day?
The words were rehearsed so they would sound real,
I’d say I was hungry just so she would feel,
Simon’s ok if he’s thinking of food
What will she cook that could improve my mood
She’ll wait till I’m fed, before she asks me, again....
To do the thing, that she’s been asking, over and over
Telling me I won’t understand,
Until I’m older and have a pram,
Filled with something I’d give my life for!
I’d want happiness for him or her, as she for me
She wants me to look as I did before
Her eyes filled with hope, I’d just started to smoke
Could the surgeon provoke, happiness in the eyes of my mother once more.
As I grew stronger from the fights I was forced in,
From the punches and the kicks that rained,
Down on my arms that covered my head.
From all the cruel and, painful words that were said,
I was toughened and ready to fight back,
I was angry and I would attack,
The bullies and the bastards,
The pointers and the laughers,
But it didn’t feel just
I finally agreed to the thing that you wished for,
The begging and pleading had to stop.
This was the last time, I said in my mind,
I would go under the knife, to ease the strife
Of those who wanted me to look nice.
Well as nice as I could, of nice words said there would
Be very few of course!
Then there were the mirrors everywhere, and I had eyes,
So I had seen them stare, the pointers and the laughers,
But now they did this behind my back, too scared to attack
They’d call me names to their girlfriends, who’d giggle,
And they’d turn red, when our eyes met
Realising I knew what it was that was said.
Just hear what they have to say, what they can do,
All the things that may, change for the better.
And will relieve the guilt, that you still carry,
I’ll look better, the load will be lightened
You’ll feel better, and your mood will be heightened
And we can pretend that all this never happened!
Agreed I did, after the talk with the surgeons
To go through again, the pain and humiliation
That was sure to follow, when all was done
When my face had changed, more ammo for them
The bullies and the bastards, the pointers and the laughers
What a waste of money, when you are so ugly
And they’ve made you look great, sarcastically said
More pointing and laughing from morning till bed
I was just a seven year old boy,
The day that donkey played with me, like a dog with a toy.
I wasn’t aware of all the things that could happen to me,
When I did what I was told not to, so it was my responsibility.
It was a decision I made and so I’d suffer the consequences,
I’d made my bed so I’d have to lay in it,
So I’d learn how to smile in all circumstances.
37 years I’ve dealt with looking this way
37 years on from that fateful day
The day I was attacked, face bloodied by that donkey
On the the sands of that desert deep in Dubai.
I’ve dealt with the bullies, the pointers and the laughers
I’ve looked into the eyes of the ones I called bastards
I’ve smiled at the girls when before I was so shy
I’ve been through the counciling and I’ve found out why.
Why I did all the things that I did,
Why I said all the things that I said,
And Why I felt all the things that I felt.
I can’t tell you the joy that I felt,
The freedom that coursed through me.
The day I saw the councillor for the last time,
The day there was nothing left to say.
I wanted to shout out loud, to skip with glee
I didn’t care if everyone was looking to see,
I’d been born again, I’d got a second chance,
And this was just the greatest day.
