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Dear Man

Dear Man,
 
I’m not going to pretend that I understand.
 
Pretend that everything is alright.
 
It’s not.
 
I’m hurt.
 
I’m lost.
 
And above all, I’m scared.
 
What did you expect me to say,
 
when you told me you needed time off,
 
from “a lot of things”
 
from me,
 
from us?
 
Do you think that when you’re ready,
 
I can pretend nothing happened?
 
Act like I didn’t spend three days crying?
 
That’s not the case.
 
You can have your days away.
 
I won’t say a word,
 
but when you’re done,
 
be ready.
 
I cannot let this go.
 
I cannot pretend all is well with us.
 
Not when you shut me out.
 
Not when you close the door in my face,
 
and when I needed you most.
 
I shared with you a part of me,
 
opened up like you asked,
 
but you “can’t trust me with your feelings”
 
even after I’ve trusted you with mine.
 
I have stood before you naked,
 
shared with you my fears,
 
and this is how you repay me?
 
“I need a few days off.”
 
That’s what you told me.
 
I can do that,
 
but you cannot expect me to not shut down in return.
 
Trust is a two way street,
 
and you’ve shown me you’re not ready to cross it.
 
You say I am young,
 
and in years I may be that,
 
but in my few years I have dealt with life.
 
I have dealt with struggle.
 
I have dealt with loss.
 
I have dealt with abuse.
 
I have dealt with death.
 
You know this.
 
I’ve trusted you with this knowledge.
 
You have trusted me with nothing.
 
What comes next,
 
after your time off?
 
Only time will tell.
 
So when you are ready to trust me,
 
I will be here,
 
waiting,
 
Because I love you.
 
And though I may be young in years,
 
I may be old in life.

(2014)

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