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Poeticious

Alexa Tomassi

POEMS
FOLLOWING
0
FOLLOWERS
6

If I was really crazy
4.11.13

If I was really so crazy, your new little girl would have no hair on her head
If I was really crazy, my mom wouldn’t have tucked your dirty, red bike in the shed
If I was really so crazy, I’d still be knocking on your door
But I’m not really so crazy, I don’t even want you to see my face anymore
If I was really crazy, you would’ve had some dents in your car
If I was really so crazy, your newfound flat tires wouldn’t have gotten you very far
If I was really so crazy I wouldn’t have so politely returned all of your stuff
But I’m actually not so crazy, so I just dropped it off in a huff
If I was really crazy, I would have followed you around
If I was really crazy it wouldn’t make me sick that you still hang out in town
If I was really crazy, I would have knocked down your motorcycle
But I’m not so crazy, and either way I know you’ll never ride it still
If I was really crazy, I would be stealing all of you friends,
But I’m not really crazy, and I know, like you, they’re all dead ends
If I was really “Crazy” I’d be crying over the name
Say it again, next time I’d earn it
If I was really crazy.

2.28.13
I carry your guilt in my heart
I won’t forever
It’s really not mine to bear
But you wouldn’t carry it yourself
And I wasn’t going to just leave it there
I carry your guilt in my heart
It’s heavy,
And sad.
I know that someday it will fade
And someday I’ll feel light again
Because it’s not fair, it’s your dead weight
It’s your betrayal, and twisting of fate
I carry your guilt in my heart
I know I won’t forever
It’s really not mine to bear
Someday it will find its home in your soul
And you will be sorry, and heavy, and sad.
And I will be fine.

3.10.13
You have aged my heart in ways that can’t be erased, undone. It beats heavy, and slowly, and pumps something new.  It wants to pump me, but it’s still beating you.

2/2/2013
“I See You in Every Wall of This House”

I see you in every wall of this house

I see your silhouette in the shower in front of me, when the water washes down my cheeks

I see where you lifted me to the heavens in front of the door to the next room and smothered me with the hottest, burning kind of love between the moldings of the stairs that lead to the basement

I see you laying me down on the table, the living room floor, before and after Whale Wars, and propping me up into the corner of the counter that was just a few too many inches high for comfortability, but made for a good laugh and hot skin

I see you in my sheets, I smell your hair upon my pillows, I see your smile behind me eyelids in my dreams of day and night

I see you in every wall of this house

Your voice lives in the paint, in the pots we used to use to cook, in the portraits I’ve turned down and in the shattered pieces of me that litter the carpets we used to lay upon and play, laugh, sleep

I see you when I close the blinds, when I fluff my comforters at night, when I shut the lights and run to my mattress, the fortress of my sadness.
 
I’ll see you in every wall of this house

Until I finally move out, and I still bet you’ll follow me then.

2/4/13

last year on this very day, dressed up
in a room with floral wallpaper, on the third or fourth floor
cracking wine bottles open with hotel-room hangers
red faced and laughing at the glass on the beige floor
only 20 minutes from home, but in a world all our own
drank the white bubbly from a plastic bathroom cup
soaked the love in that room right up like a sponge
you rang me out, you rang me out, so long before I was ready