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Amber Sigler

POEMS
FOLLOWING
2
FOLLOWERS
5

I’ll give myself
A count to ten
Before I think
About giving in.
If my thoughts dont
Start to change,
I’ll mark my arms
With a wider range.
I’ll lay the
Blade against my wrist..
It only takes
One simple twist.
If I live,
When I wake,
I’ll know that it’s
A big mistake.
I’ll try again,
Harder and harder,
And with each cut,
I’ll grow even smarter.
I know one day
I’ll come to find
His life was laid
Out on the line.
He laid his
Life on the line
In hope that He
Could save mine.
But since he gave
Us our own choice,
I decided I had
To stop the noise.
I drew, and drew,
And dres some more..
I quietly got up
To lock the door.
I thought to myself,
“Tonight is the night
That I will be able
To end my life.”

I create
    My own pain.
I make it impossible
    For me to gain
Anything from
    Life at all.
I  make it impossible
   Not to fall.
I drown myself
    In a huge mistake...
There’s not much more
    That I can take.
This time,
    '"I refuse to sink,"
I’m not gonna give in
    To that drink.
It only brings
    A thing called death.
Though it’s not
    As bad as meth,
It’ll still bring my
   Life to an end.
It’s like texting the devil
    “Hey,” and pressing send.

I’m trying hard
To understand
What they want from me...
If happiness is what
They want,
Then happiness it’ll be.
But can I
Just say
One more thing?
Before
I have
To go...
There’s a pain
That’s balling
Up inside me,
A pain
You’ll
Never know.

Even when things get hard, you gotta keep pushing through.
Sweetheart, open your eyes, you’ll see what you can do.
You’re greater than giving up, I need you to keep on trying.
Though it’s what you may be feeling, I promise, you aren’t dying.
The pain, though greater than before, it will fade.
It’ll leave you feeling new, you’ll see what you have made.
So darling, listen to me, I understand you feel you’ve lost...
In order for you to see, I need to gain you’re trust.
Here, look at me.. Watch, I’m going to fall.
But God is standing right behind me, acting as a wall.
If you can’t at least trust me, then trust in what I know,
That God is here waiting for you.. To show you where to go.

As I put
Myself to rest
I realized I hadn’t
Done my best.
That things till had
To be overcome
Before my life
Was completely done.
Too many bad,
And not enough good.
I never did
What you said I should.
Though there is nothing
I can un-do,
And there is no such thing
As a dream come true,
It’s just the thought
Of me and you
That makes me feel
So bitterly new.
I hate for now
To be the time,
But I must go,
This is goodbye.
All I can hope for
Is that my thoughts were true...
That nobody cared..
Not even you.

Twisted,
             Are my thoughts,
As they run,
             Through my head.
They’re running
            Way too fast,
For me to
             Go to bed.
Even though
             I’m tired,
And I cant
             Seem to sleep,
I’ve never let
             My thoughts keep running
Until they
            Got too deep.
And even though
             Life is hard to live,
I will do it
             With a smile,
Because I know that
             That things get easy
Every once
             In a while.

Creating a happiness
I know wont last.
I know because
I still dwell on my past.
I wish I knew
How to let go...
That’s just something else
I’ll never know.
They say that I
Should just do me.
But I wouldn’t even know
How to be.
The real me
Is s far gone.
So many bad things
I’ve already done.
The only thing there
Is left to do..
Is giving up..
But not for you.
I’m giving up
For my own sake.
Because too much of
My happiness is Fake.

The pain that comes when I think of you,
Is a type of pain that I thought I knew.
Now all these things, they’re coming true..
This life is just something I cannot get through.
You said you thought you were losing me..
No, from your grip, I was being set free.
Once I left I was filled with glee,
My heart was centered like that of a tree.
See, without you my life is filled with happiness.
I don’t have to think twice, I don’t have to obsess.
Depression is something I don’t have to address.
No more memories do I have to suppress.
If I just stay in today, I’ll know for a fact I’m okay.
I wont let my mind stray, I’ll just stay in today.

Pain is a feeling
Almost everyone goes through.
If you’ve said you don’t feel pain
Then you probably weren’t you.
You used some type of coping skill
To hide your only truth.
Drugs don’t do anything
But take away your youth.
Man, stop. Stop right now.
Close your eyes tight.
Let yourself break down.
Face the feelings
That fill you with fear.
Do this now..
Because a new beginning is near.
Your addiction could be
A thing of the past.
This pain doesn’t have to be
Something that lasts.
I know what it’s like
To lie.. to be fake.
“Everything is fine. And I am okay.”
But I know that you’re not.
Because I was the same.
Open up more..
Let people in.
Cause all on your own..
Shit, you can’t win.
If you can’t talk to me,
Then find someone you can.
Because a life without help
Is like losing a hand.
Once it’s gone,
It ain’t coming back.
You should probably start now.
Get your life back on track.

1

Empty your mind,
   Release your pain.
Let go of the past,
   And happiness, you’ll gain.
Stop wasting your time,
   On things unimportant,
Just empty your mind...
   And you’ll be much less distant.
Stop retracing your thoughts,
   Back to things so depressing...
And maybe one day,
   You’ll realize you’re progressing.
Empty your mind,
   Let go of the past,
Here soon you’ll find out
  That these bad times wont last.
Come o your sense,
   Let down that great wall,
Let somebody help you,
   So you don’t have to fall.
Remember the importance,
   That people are kind...
Just come to your senses,
   And empty your mind.

There is a way to relieve your stress.
Even though your life is a mess.
Just keep calm and come to your senses.
Please stay calm my little princess.
I cant stand to see you cry..
I cant remember a time when you didn’t like.
To hide your feelings you’d say, “I’m fine.”
But I knew right away, that you were lying.
The thoughts in your mind.. they’re of suicide.
It’s taken so much for you to decide.
You know what’s right, but actions follow a feeling..
Life is a deck of cards that you don’t feel like dealing.
But I want you to know that I’m here for you.
I’m here to help, to help you get through.
You’ll be okay as long as you remember,
That this is January.. It’s not December.