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Amelea Anne
He’s hardened, humored, and hortatory,
He believes in harmonies that can’t be heard,
I find his brain is anchored in outer space.
I tried to find him,
On the moon, on the stars,
(Where could his mind be!)
I found it, one day, in a sea on Mars,
And realized it wasn’t quite normal.
It didn’t exist in this dimension;
I couldn’t see it, I couldn’t feel it,
But I knew it existed!
It must have been from the quantum rules,
That some particles become entangled,
And could not be separated.
For though I could not see him,
Or feel him,
His particles were entangled with mine.
When my spin changed, so did his,
No matter my location in the universe.
He would move and suddenly I could see,
All the nebulae and spiral galaxies,
I could see the stars colliding,
I could see the birth of our sun.
Because he would carry me through time and space,
Eternally attached to his quanta.
Once his particles touched mine,
We were hopelessly entangled,
And I could not leave.
You’re my gravity.
You pull me back to earth when my head’s in the clouds,
I’m grounded when I’m with you,
I’m stable for the first time in my life.
With you there are no limits,
Even though you pull me down,
You lift me up,
We’re at heights that fill the angels with fear.
I’m amazed by you,
Because you have such a handle on reality,
You’re amazed by me because I can create things,
But you kept me from falling apart.
I put wires together,
I put magnets in the right place,
You put my heart together,
You put my mind in the right place.
I pray to whatever gods may be,
That when you said you didn’t have
All that you wanted in life,
You were talking about me;
I certainly was talking about you.
You are my gravity,
You keep my head in a bitter reality.
You are my antithesis,
You keep a bitter life sweet.
It takes courage to love someone,
To give your heart to them,
And take theirs in return.
It takes courage to be loved,
To give your naked body to them,
And take theirs in return.
It takes courage to love twice,
To give the benefit of the doubt,
Even if you don’t get it in return.
But most of all, it takes courage to leave someone,
To take back your all from them,
And do what your heart says is right and true.
There is shattered glass on the floor of my heart,
There is pottery in my soul, broken in parts.
There are acid stains at the top of my throat,
There are pieces of dreams, written in quotes.
I have no words for your embrace,
No description for the safety I see in your face.
As you measure my heartbeat in iambic pentameter,
My breath is in cut-time, your words ever-sweeter.
Your fingers are the ivory I used to play each morning,
Your hands are gentleness, contrasted with warning.
Your mouth flows with the water of the entities,
But your heart is full of mismatched identities.
I lost my first love to a shot to the wrist,
I lost my second love to a concussion and a fist,
I lost my third love to words unspoken,
I’ll lose my fourth love to promises broken.
He’s so smooth; soft and stupid,
He’s sardonic, with sadness in his eyes.
I find that he isn’t beautiful—
(Although he’s perfect inside and out)—
That I don’t find him appealing,
Regardless of appeal.
He’s an unnecessary coefficient,
Rhetorical, relaxed, and relatively reversed,
And he leads me through dreams,
Of things I’ve never seen.
Still when I see him,
I feel that he isn’t made of atoms,
Not quite human,
He isn’t made of atoms, no,
He’s a Martian of tiny miracles.
I hate to speak to him,
Or look at him,
But I find I can speak to him of anything.
We lay in bed together and talk,
Of how light is formed from hydrogen atoms,
Of electrons falling through orbitals,
And exothermic reactions.
We stare at each other,
And discuss the fifth dimension—
He claims it’s love, but that doesn’t exist!—
And if time travel is possible.
He says I’m more intelligent that him (he may be right),
But I still can’t drive stick shift,
I don’t know how to build a fishing pole,
Or how to even how to fish in general,
Or how to change a tire,
Or how to eat two full meals in 6 minutes.
I find myself telling him of a universe,
That doesn’t even exist,
And he teaches me about a life,
That doesn’t even exist.
I find that I can’t live without him,
But though I hate to, I have to.
I like your skin,
I like its warmth and scars and tattoos,
I like that your skin is beautiful,
But you’re more beautiful than skin.
I like your arms,
I like the veins and tendons and muscles,
I like their strength when they hold me,
But you’re more beautiful than skin.
I like your skin,
I like it touching and brushing and pressing mine,
I like my skin against your skin,
Even if my beauty ends with my skin.
I like your skin,
Beause your skin holds you together,
I like your skin,
Because I love you.
I lay pressed against my window every night–
That’s the closest I’ll get to your side–
And I search for the light in the darkness
I exist for a movement to know you exist.
It seems life is a Fitzgerald novel now,
With chaos reigning and abysmal noise,
Grapsing for the green latern at the docks,
Gasping for air as I’m drowning in the sea.
I know you’re dangerous, I’m aware,
I can’t stay away from the thrill.
Your gravity is strong, my love,
And I’ll follow you wherever you go.
I thought I could forget you,
If I really, really tried,
I could pretend that I had gone, that you had stayed.
I thought I could pretend.
There was nothing I wouldn’t do,
To make you happy,
To keep you sane.
That night at the hotel,
In the stairwell,
Where we danced together.
The look in your eyes.
You loved me.
I taught you to ballroom dance,
You taught me to dance in your own way,
On the balcony.
I taught you to sing,
You taught me to drive stick,
On the roof.
I taught you to trust again,
You taught me to love again,
In my heart.
I thought I could forget you,
If only I could pretend
If I could go back to how things were
Before I knew you
Before I loved you.
I was wrong.
Things will never be the same.
I miss your notes,
Your keys,
The way we struck chords,
A perfect harmony to your melody.
I would give anything,
To sit down at your bench again,
To hear the lovely notes,
To sing to your rhythm.
You’re Nocturne in E Flat Major–
So complex, but beautiful.
So perfectly difficult.
I would give anything,
To be your harmony,
But I’ll never be such.
You only need a melody,
You only need yourself.
I like a little distance,
Some room to breathe,
An escape route if need be.
I like a little distance,
If I’m still close to you.
You like a little distance,
Some room to improve,
Time to be you, just you.
You like a little distance,
Even from me.
Don’t drift away.
I love you into the sun,
Into the depths of the galaxy.
You say you need space, but love,
I’m trying to give you the universe.
You are my universe,
Because you understand
My space—
You comprehend my spin,
The way I revolve.
You are my universe,
You stretch
Me out
All over
Existence.
You pull me in every direction,
We are light years—apart
But we are so close.
Think of the gravity,
A black hole that eats,
Every light,
But you still shine.
You are my universe,
Because you are more than a sun,
I revolve around you,
But you are everywhere,
I am surrounded by you.
You are dark matter,
You are light,
You are my planets.
A day with you creates a million moons,
A night with you creates beauty unseen,
A life with you creates an imprint,
Soundwaves that travel endlessly in all directions.
