I remember that day as if it was yesterday
My Mom calling me to tell me she had cancer
I rushed to be by her side, found her crying alone in the her kitchen
Her gynecologist called her and told her it was very serious
 
I hugged her and told her I was so sorry she was alone
Just the thought of hearing those words must have been Hell
She was of course clearly in shock, that distant stare, disbelief
I told her I loved her and I would be there for her no matter what
 
We have a fantastic cancer hospital but my Mom wouldn’t go there
One of her dearest friends died there so she refused to go
She chose another hospital and I took her that next week
The oncologist put her trough a series of MRI’S, Cat-scans and blood work
 
We got there at 9:00 am, we didn’t leave until 6:00 PM.
I couldn’t even call my family because it was non stop
She never even had anything to eat all day
My Mom was so exhausted. Still in shock, so sad it broke my heart
 
This was not only my wonderful Mother, but my best and dearest Friend
I took her home that night and just held her so tight
I didn’t want to let her go, but she needed her rest
I can’t remember how I got home through those tears in my eyes
 
I took her back the next week for her results
The oncologist and nurse sat us down and talked to us
They told us she had Vaginal Cancer, which is very rare
The doctor said my Mom was only in stage 2 cancer and it was very curable
 
We felt relieved and left thinking she had a chance to beat this
I took her for radiation treatments every Monday through Friday
On Friday’s, she had radiation and chemo together
Of course she was sick on the weekends and she lost so much weight
 
My dear Mother ended up in the hospital after 3 months
She wasn’t herself anymore, she was just a shell of who she use to be
I told our family doctor the oncologist told us she only had stage 2 cancer
He said "No she’s in stage 4 maybe 5, plus she had bone cancer".
 
I couldn’t believe we were lied too. At least her children should have known
It should have been up to us to tell her or not, instead they played God
My Mother got so bad she was mostly unconscious, just laying there
As the nurses would turn her over, her bones were literally breaking
 
She would cry out as if being tortured, I still hear her cries, so real to this day
I would sit next too her and run my hand over her forehead
If I stopped she would wince so I would continue to comfort her
Stroking her head and telling her I loved her and wouldn’t leave her side
 
I stayed with her for 4 straight days and nights with no sleep
She was my world and I’d do anything for her, I gave her all my time
Her regular physician came in every morning and he’d tell me to get some sleep
I told him I would sleep when it was time, I wanted every minute I could have with her
 
My beautiful Mother should have been told the truth, it was her right
But instead they chose to let her believe she was going to live
This very beautiful, gracious lady and most loving woman had been cheated
They didn’t give her a chance to decide what she wanted to do
 
Perhaps she wanted to spend more quality time around her loved ones
A last trip to see Pennsylvania, she loved how beautiful it was
Maybe she just wanted to go to sleep one night and never wake up
They didn’t give her the dignity and respect to decide her own fate
 
That last morning I laid with my head on her bed rail crying. She opened her eyes.
Her eyes were the lightness blue and the most beautiful I’ve ever seen
I said, “Oh Mom those beautiful eyes I get to see them again”.
She asked what’s wrong? I told her the doctor lied and that she was dying
 
She took a deep breath and nodded OK, then closed her beautiful eyes
I begged her not to fight and to go be with her Mom and Dad in Heaven
Later that night on April 1, 2003 at 11:08 PM she took her last breath
I felt her spirit leave her body. She had this beautiful smile on her face
 
Her skin was a beautiful golden color as if God was in her midst
Her smile told me she was with her Mom and Dad and was at peace
I hugged and kissed her and gracefully let her go. She was my beautiful Mother
She was their beautiful daughter and she was once again home
 
Her journey had ended as it had begun. No more pain or suffering
I picture her up in Heaven with her Mom, Dad, Brother, my Dad and her Son
I miss her but I know one day I will be with her again
Until then she will be forever in my a Heart.
 
I hate the cancer that took her life. It is an evil and disgusting disease
It takes a person from a healthy body and literally kills their good cells.
It is a monster and the battle is rarely won.
It may have taken her life but God took her soul.

(2014)

The emotional roller coaster ride was one I do not wish on anyone. There were times when I had too leave her room because the sound of her bones breaking was so unbearable and she would cry out like a banshee. They had to come in and clear her throat just so she could breath. It was a living Hell. I believe her vaginal cancer was more painful when she first started treatments but the bone cancer was the worst pain she could have ever suffered. She was never treated for the bone cancer because we were lied too and didn't know about it but I believe she was given pain medication from our family doctor and another oncologist as soon as they knew. The original oncologist was refusing to give our family doctor my Mom's medical records. How dare them. They knew they lied and knew our family doctor would have proof of that. I'm just glad my dear mother only suffered for 3 months verses years. She never had to be put on morphine, which I am grateful for.

Cancer

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Angel Lady (Sandi Guidotti)
over 5 years

She and I shared the greatest love between a Mother and daughter. I would have died before I would ever disrespect her. My memories of her are very, very special. Even the memories of her illness. During her last days, I spent every minute with her. I would just sit and watch her. Many days smiles would come to my face as I looked back on my life with such a beautiful person. Her children always came first. She truly was what Love was about. I'm so glad I have no regrets. It made it easier to let her go.
Thank You for your kind words. She is in a much sweeter place. God Bless. Sandi

Cory Garcia
over 5 years

I could feel the love you had for your mother in each lineWell done sister poet

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