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BVC/ATB

HAIKUS’; MOMENTS OF TRUTH, PAIN, AND UNCERTAINTY
   By and from Anthony T Blake (Bullwinkle Von Coffeehausen)
 
“The harshest criticism is often the silent reflection from the mirror of ones life” (ATB)
 
Unanswered for now
To whom and when will we meet
I know I matter
 
Say you will or go
Disappear into shadows
Of love and deceit
 
Love found then love lost
Time will find another one
Is there enough time
 
I remember her
I wish I would forget her
Nothing left but pain
 
The thorn of the rose
Brings balance to the beauty
Remember the pain
 
Love found then love lost
Time will find another one
Is there enough time
 
I remember her
I wish I would forget her
Nothing left but pain
 
The thorn of the rose
Brings balance to the beauty
Remember the pain
 
Turning twisting round
Down under the well of tears
No bucket in sight
 
Awoken startled
Subconscious feelings arise
Releasing the pain/fear
 
Half-alive half dead
Not sure, which is which some days
Ghost walking alone
 
Missing within me
The love that was torn away
Was only a lie
 
So tired of feeling
The void of no one loving
Just want to be held
 
Forgetting all done
Pleasure erased by the lies
Memories won’t sleep
 
Half alive without
Release me to the darkness
The haunting numbness
 
I’ve become so numb
The shadows engulf my heart
Wake me up inside
 
Falling forever
Glass cage entombs endless hope
Love waits quietly
 
Erase my scars please
Before they encompass me
Forever falling
 
Any one but you
Rather forever alone
Final resting place
 
An earth bound angel
From my dreams into my life
No more do I want
 
Suicide transfer
Pain is gone with side effects
Suffer the living
 
From behind blue eyes
Images realized through pain
Scars left on my heart
 
I feel the presence
Real or imaginative
Not sure it matters
 
Longing for the call
To be connected again
Must find an exit
 
My earth bound angel
I’m holding on to heaven
Erase my scars please
 
I’m not bulletproof
Too hard to handle, just love
My heart is drowning
Your decision now/My funeral now
Black and blue give way to you
A painful lesson
 
Show me through your eyes
The life I’ve never yet lived
Sunrise to sunset
 
Forgetting all done
Pleasure erased by the lies
Memories won’t stop/sleep
 
Half alive without
Release me to the darkness
The haunting numbness
 
She comes in like rain
She leaves me sunburned and scarred
Peeling life away
 
Can’t escape karma
What comes around goes around
Karma never sleeps
 
When I’m without love
So tired of feeling empty
Can’t erase the pain
 
Selfish controlling
Demanding unrelenting
Ready to be done
 
Wake me up inside
Born to die alone empty
Pain is all I know
 
Damaged diseased hurt
All that I love infected
All I want hidden
 
Medicate the pain
Sweep away the memories
I want them to stop
 
Squeeze the life away
Every day the pain bleeds through
Salvation never
 
The sword runs through me
The words tear my life to shreds
Tears like razors rip
 
I’ve become so numb
The anger I feel scares me
I need peace within
 
Now no reflection
The mirror is faded out
The real I see not
 
The dreams make no sense
The places and the people
Humiliation
 
Day and night are one
My memories hurt longer
Now I die longer
 
Come and take me home
Meet me on the other side
I count the moments
 
Disappear for good
A fading memory past
Never to return
 
You left me empty
A bottomless void of pain
Emotional rape
 
Speak I will listen
Love me I will cherish you
Help me trust again
 
I’m bruised and broken
Suffering looking wanting
Wanting needing love
 
Memories linger
Dreams invade no peace in sight
Numb the pain I wish
 
Her eyes they ignite
Her smile warms my inner soul
She captivates me
 
I want to know her
Her company I desire
She is pure and true
 
Some of my days are
Some days are worse than others
I don’t care some days
 
Remember the day
I try to forget the day
I want to forget
 
Across this divide
Every truth I deny
Will hurt longer I
 
In the beginning
A thousand days have passed since
A new beginning
 
Still bruised and broken
Still searching for some answers
Wading through the pain
 
Can not leave just yet
Been wronged by those I trusted
Must settle the score
 
Damn dreams go away
Pain you bring I can’t erase
Draining sleeplessness
 
If life was easy
Overcoming it would not
Relinquish the gold
 
Silence surrounds me
Fragile the human spirit
On autopilot
 
Dance the dance of life/A double edged sword
I won’t be broken again
Up from the ashes
 
The skies are crying
My inner self is weeping
The puddles consume
 
Crawling to myself
The person I’ve always been
Must endure the pain
 
Coming back for more
Misery loves company
The fire is burning
 
Can’t remember when
Don’t want to remember now
Can’t seem to forget
 
Let the walls fall down
Forget the lies and deceit
Allow love again
 
Engulfed by the fog
A stormy sea full of rage
Crashed upon the rocks
 
Velvet butterfly
Spread your wings and fly to me
To be the true you/To be true to you
 
Love and compassion
Be faithful to you and I
Love it is fleeting
 
Encompass my heart
My soul is your prisoner
You are my lifeblood
 
Life one shot away
The end is drawing nearer
The answer is within reach
 
Tears and loneliness
Extreme pleasure then more pain
Loneliness and tears
 
Patience is my foe
Silent as the tears seep in
My love is ravished
 
Intoxicating
Perpendicular to me
Nirvana the end
 
My heart is broken
Sleep never comes soon enough
Dark angels take me
 
I’m going under
I can’t breathe I can’t believe
Please keep me under
 
Surrender to me
Your truth, compassion, your all
And I will follow
 
Breathe no more I bleed
Blood rains down like the fallen
Bleed now breathe no more
 
Tonight it ends here
I can taste it in my tears
Tomorrow won’t come
 
My heart belongs not
My path is in the shadows
Love is a stranger
 
I feel dead within
Lies and deceit shred what’s left
No reason to stay
 
There’s a place for us
It exist where we two are
We keep it sacred
 
Imagined realness
Whisper me your intentions
Life breathed in to me
 
I remember you
I trusted your love before
Taking over me
 
Downward I’m falling
Shelter of your heart keeps me
From going under
 
Body clock tick tock
You give me reason to feel
All moments are yours
 
Sometimes I wonder/wander
Why and how I continue
I wonder/wander no more
 
Sweet golden angel
Your beauty and smile linger
In my memory
 
Student and teacher
Friend, companion, source of pride
My inspiration
 
Father son connect
Reality closes in
Door slammed in my face
 
Demons bleeding out
Containment system failing
Pain, anger rising
 
Voices to be heard
Within them a hunger stirs
Suffer the children
 
An eternity
Been waiting for her so long
Fall down upon me
 
Will you disappear
Into the shadows of time
A lost memory
 
Awaken my heart
To feel the pleasure again
Made of stone no more
 
All taken away
Nothing left but truth and love
Will it be enough
 
The other side calls
Resist the desire to leave
The nightmares beckon
 
Words spoke on the wind
Which then blows before the rain
All I need is you
 
Across the blue sky
On our way to destiny
My Anastasa
 
Not leaving just
Anther hole in her heart
One last life to take
 
I will come for you
Never gonna be alone
Kiss me one last time
 
Where do I begin
Afraid to love yet want love
My love where are you
 
Help me bridge the gap
Into the light of your life
Must escape the dark
 
Used for your pleasure
Never mind I’ll find someone
Unlike you and true
 
Whispers to ashes
I’m in here, can you hear me
Monumental death
 
A moment of joy
Years being caged by the noose
Tired of defending
 
Each moment away
Only confirms what I know
You are forever
 
Whispers and ashes
All we know is all we are
Safe from the wreckage
 
Pain is familiar
Love, trust, so ugly, foreign
Dysfunction surrounds
 
Another wall falls
Life support at critical
Approaching failure
 
Love and promises
Familiar taste of poison
A slow death waits me
 
Hiding in the noise
Waiting alone for my truth
Life holds no mercy
 
My path is altered
Take me back to who I am
The path is hidden
 
Four letters ignite
Energy so sensual
Your scent directs me
 
A new fear and pain
A new high and a new love
And the winner is
 
Endless tears falling
Ice inside keeps me frozen
Invisible Man
 
I’m broken all gone
Reality is surreal
All taken away
 
Nothing left I have
Life water is black and blue
Erase me from here/her
 
Fear our immortal
Time and love lost forever
Our love immortal
 
Save me a prayer
Pray for me to find my way
Love and compassion
 
A path avoided
Runaway you runaway
You hide within you
 
Bringing me to life
The cold dark abyss of pain
War within remains
 
Light and dark struggle
A jigsaw puzzle of life
Cut deep still bleeding
 
Scars reminding me
No erasing the mistakes
A pool full of tears
 
Secret door to love
Directions destroyed by lies
She may hold the key
 
Torn like shredded clothes
Love for two, enough for one
The past, the future
 
Their eyes draw me in
Their presence taunts my desire
Friend, lover, I’m torn
 
Miss the misery
Dysfunction a warm blanket
Infected with pain
 
Nourish my body
Love, sex, laughter, then the push
Shards of glass rip through
 
Please hit me again
It hurts less than the waiting
Nine one one speed dial
 
The taste of my blood
You carve me like a surgeon
Keeping me alive
 
For you I’m still here
Once again, I rise above
Easier to die
 
Loved too hard, too long
I became expendable
Love a little less
 
You breathe in deeply
Feel the love I have for you
Set the anger free   (ACL)
 
Give me a reason
And I’ll turn my heart around
Or I’ll go away
 
Brought me back to life
Hydrating a frozen heart
Addicted to love
 
My heart you possess
My love and trust you possess
You have set me free
 
I want forgiveness
I’m lost, wounded, and confused
I need peace within
 
You see through the walls
You see that which is hidden
You see, you see me
 
The man no one knew
Existed to very few
Life behind blue eyes
 
Truth and pain seem one
Words and actions seem foreign
Wisdom a stranger
 
Lonely is the night
When all I have are my dreams
Sweat and tears wake me
 
Did I get too close
Did the truth trigger a hurt
Will you run or fight
 
Hopeless no option
Pain or not an illusion
Feed my soul its fire
 
Leather and satin
Bound pleasure, pain and freedom
Balance your living
 
Reflection or me
Which is which, why should I care
Imaginary
 
I’m missing something
Good enough for a short while
Lost in Paradise
 
Bleed to disappear
The past that holds the triggers
Erase the patterns
 
Fear of losing love
A life forgotten to live
A love that is not
 
No suicide yes
Give everyone a reason
To know they matter
 
I see time passing
Lost at the edge of darkness
I feel time passing
 
Silver moonlight burns
The promise to stand my ground
Forsaken no more
 
Imagined realness
Whisper me your intentions
Life breathed in to me
 
Dreams manifested
Memories breathing my air
Choking part of life
 
Nothing left to lose
I’m living on borrowed time
Empty eyes see clear
 
With you safe to feel
So lonely in my nightmare
Now I’ve let you in
 
Adjustment challenge
Out of my head lines blurring
Keep it together
 
Alone once again
The reason eludes my thought
A glimpse of future
 
Is my love enough
For her to realize her worth
For me to see mine
 
The edge of my world
Two hearts’ love, my paradise
Balance to survive
 
Everything is one
Love’s familiar taste of lies
One not everything
 
Covered by roses
The earth consumes the person
Energy reborn
 
The pain is dispersed
The earth consumes the person
Covered by roses
 
Cracks between the worlds
Tears from her make their way here
Her touch haunts me still
 
Whets the remedy
Diseased truth broken again
A careless whisper
 
Not whom you once knew
Life & death the same to me
The past here again
 
Dreams are all the same
Medicate to isolate
My thoughts are not me
 
Believe in the hope
Our words, are they redemption
Are they true, our words
 
Heat beneath the ice
Coming undone without you
My last breath is yours
 
Wake me up inside
Slowly dying from the dark
Looking for the light
 
No comfort this world
Clouded memories of peace
To be whole again
 
Only me to be
Hope for next generation
That he will succeed
 
My blood relieves you
Nothing was ever your fault
Dreams embrace the dark
 
Burn away the scars
Pain burrows deep within me
Blistered innocence
 
Listen to the sounds
The silence of loneliness
Can be deafening
 
Memories linger
A time & place, decades past
Unite mom & son
 
Her presence calms me
Her love a blessing to all
I strive to deserve
 
Dreams of loss invade
The war with sleep continues
Afraid to close eyes
 
Peace & happiness
Hidden by the fear & pain
Life comes after death
 
Keep those I love safe
Suffer unto me the wrath
For the hurt I’ve caused
 
Pain from love so real
Life being life nothing more
Beginning the end
 
Words spoken not meant
Dust on the wind fills my tears
Sleep not always safe
 
Pursuit of fortune
Blood covered words no guilt felt
Lost and so alone
 
Into the mirror
Different image comes back
Saved by an angel
 
Wrong choices right place
Another relationship
All of me this time
 
Voices kept at bay
Medicate then isolate
Distant drummer calls
 
Shelter from my dreams
The present challenges me
Shelter from my fear
 
Again I find you
Time holds no boundaries now
Can’t lose her again
 
The pain weighs heavy
An invisible anchor
Crazy and normal
 
Together apart
Darkness beckons through the light
Patience my master
 
Covered by roses
From beginning to the end
All we need is now
 
The force of nature
Responsible for our lives
Mother earth mother
 
Too much information
With or without you I am
Closer to my truth
 
A thoughtless whisper
From ones birth or their last breathe
Light and dark the same
 
Right and left beckon
Pain reveals the truth more pain
Quiet then the storm
 
Can’t hide from feeling
The pain and pleasure of love
The fairness of life
 
Relevant wrinkle
Time, space, and dimensions bend
Here to change the future
 
Awake for my dreams
Rain quiets the fallen tears
Beautiful you are
 
The last kiss is yours
The last embrace waits for you
Love endures all tests
 
Shelter from patterns
Destructive and born from pain
Set free by ones love
 
Words never to hear
Death, all that I’m living for
Feelings never felt
 
Pleasure needs its pain
The future starts in its past
When do we begin

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