Distraction
It’s been months since I have cried
It has been so long since I have felt anything.
It’s been quite some time since anyone
Has looked at me,
Differently.
I want to be seen
For me,
Who I am
All my abilities.
My strengths and my weaknesses
My humor and my intelligence,
My faults and insecurities.
And for the difference I want to make
On this world.
I asked for a distraction,
A glimmer of hope
Some happiness.
God sent that in the form
Of a beautiful human,
A human who may have
Even more of a struggle
Than I do.
Sometimes we have new experiences,
Meet someone new,
Embrace these things that never really were,
In the plan…
And that is okay.
It is kind of nice.
Big new city
New people
No one that knows my story.
At least not the whole thing.
I ponder and try to help.
I ask this new beautiful human:
Who are you going to be?
What are you going to make of this world?
How are you going to keep yourself sane?
This whole time,
I have been asking for a distraction.
One came,
That never really was in the plan…
One that I have realized I did not need,
But a distraction I have been thankful for.
What I have learned is that
I don’t need a distraction from myself.
I need self-reflection
Self-sanity.
I am thankful for this human,
This new friend.
But really,
I should have been asking myself
These questions all along.
How am I going to keep myself sane?
Who am I going to be?
What am I going to make of this world?
And how,
Am I am going to do it on my own?
Dependence is a scary thing,
But an important one.
It is important to depend on others.
But I mustn’t be distracted from my
Own personal values.
I value independence.
I value who I am and what I can accomplish
On my own.
I keep marching forward.
I may not know my purpose in this world.
What I am, who I am suppose to become,
How or with who I am suppose to spend
The rest of my life with.
But one thing I do know,
Failure is not in my vocabulary.
Healthy distractions I will embrace,
But otherwise, it is not worth it.
I will not be distracted from who I am
What I want
What I value.
Me, I will succeed.
