god is a pillow princess
“be thankful to god for bringing you to where you are today,”
god had no part in what i became or in what i accomplished.
he was a callous bystander, a watcher, a voyeur.
he watched me cry and then drowned me in salt.
god watched me start wars and lose battles.
he watched me beg and beg, he left me with no closure.
no acceptance and no rejection, mercilessly.
do not turn him into my savior, my hero.
don’t drink my blood and call it wine.
i built myself a fortress off of the foundation of my old cabin,
that was torn down by his worshippers.
i wove tapestries after burning my name.
i made myself.
he did not write the poetry,
i did.
he saw the knife glint in my mothers hand,
and he watched her cut into me.
he watched me bandage all the wounds she left,
full of spite and guilt.
he watched it all,
and he did nothing.
i survived that,
he did not.
i am not going to worship someone who does not worship me back.
or someone who believes i do not deserve the right of knowledge.
i saved myself,
i am my own savior.
i died on my own cross and resurrected myself.
i wore that crown of thorns and i was shunned by powerful people.
fuck jesus and fuck god,
i am my own damn religion.
