Sinking
The first name of she.
Last night
Night of uncertainty
Worst feeling I’ve felt since I’ve heard the word death of him last June
It was just as painful as that of before
To wake up am hours and hear the word death once more
To have to wake up in search of her soul and see if it was still present in her flesh
Desperately looking if your eyes closed to rest for the night
Or if you had shut them to rest forever
The imagery in my mind punched violently into my stomach leaving a pit so deep
Like six feet below the ground
I woke desperately screaming your name
Trying to erase the image of my mine of you taking your own life
The image of your beautiful face, you’re spitting image of mine
My little one I did not birth but I was present at your birth
Might as came out of me because I feel as if you were a piece of me
My knees weak and arms numb
All could think of was Jesus if she took her breath selfishly
Then take mine selflessly and deposit my living air onto hers
I ran out the room i lay my head every night to rest
To see if my vision was in real life the last thing you uttered was I love you too
The bang on the door
Harder and harder
Open the door
Did you turn your bed into casket
Lord forgive me for questioning my life at one point
Was this sin mine that I passed on to her
Open the door sister
I need to see your flesh in full color
Like the leaves we used to play amongst every Jan 6th as kids
Open the door sister
Jesus I promise I will bring her heart to you if you save her
Jesus
Open this door
Jesus
My mother stands beside she had the seen the same horror movie as I
My heart sinks
Sister I’m sorry.
Water streams down my mothers face
Water I will use to drown myself
Water of guilt
Till my lungs feel no more
And the door nob moves
And I hear a foot step or two
That door nob becomes the life jacket
That saved me from the suffocation of the water entering my insides
Those footsteps are The boat that saves me from my titanic body
She opens the door
And I know what life is once more
You’re alive .
And you looks as if you have death inside but as long as you’re living
God. Thank you.
God you are merciful
God did you show me the pain I would have inflicted
How did I ever question living?
My sister if you promise to live till God decides your last breath
I promise to do the same.
