Confusion and Indifference (youth)
Indifference at that time was another word for I hope the other does not realize how much I care...honestly, I remember the boy it was about even in those particular parts....ba...yea an extremely old poem...over 20 yrs old....not great but good enough to share.....because it's should be saved...its history....sometimes adolescence can be enlightened more than us adults realize....I'm not gonna change a thing in this...it's so innocent..and here I thought I knew it all!..don't worry I'll get some good grown up stuff up soon enough ..but don't negate the power of youth ....oh and the powders and and substance wise was added a bout 4 yrs later when I guess I wanted it more angsty ...either way...young
If someone asked me what I was doing years ago
I’d close my mouth with no answer Id remember
I buried it back 4 December’s
I laid it to rest long ago
Some would say “you need something to show”
Others would say “but your not that old”
I just saw it as burning down all they kept me cold
And I’ve been asleep since
I once referred to joy in past tense
I did not know where I was before
And now I’m indifferent to the core
And what I had before has been lost
And what have I paid? Whats the cost?
You told me last night you did not know
Well I do..only to well
I looked out over the water at a post almost below the depths
And no matter how many times the water rose above it
It stayed put and could never move
As if it were not allowed
Held by invisible laws that kept it still
As I keep still
Unfortunately unlike it I can feel
Perhaps to much, surely so much its a flaw
If you saw you through my eyes
You might be surprised at what you saw
There would be no question, no disguise
No confusion or misunderstanding at all
you’d know exactly how I feel
Not that it would matter, still
Does not change the fact it’s real
Pardon such an expression
But its like a weed I cannot kill
Im unable to do me and what I so will
For I didn’t know I could
I try to be how I should
And its troubling to say the least
My memory fades
from endless days
overshadowed with haze
Of powders and pill
Memory simply poured out with the seratonin until it was gone
And now I find it much harder to conceal
That it was ever truly there at all
Our eyes black as the nights we lived in free fall
And im living with the regret it may take some time
To feel totally human again, to recognize a design
That was never truly mine
in the first place
And it hurts that I can still taste
The despair it gave to me
We lived so long under a scar that couldn’t heal
And we wonder why we have to steal
Any true clarity of memory in our love
Is it wrong? That I hate that I cannot speak?
That I cannot say exactly what I want?
Is it wrong? That im somewhat weak?
But you ask me in an HR, a month, a week
I could not say why but at any range
And I promise it will not change
even if it I needed to
And I say its causing me pain
And theres nothing I can take to ease it
Yet theres nothing I can do to gain
Any ground on a matter out of my control
And I wish I knew what that meant
Wish I knew why it had this hold deep in the soul
If I gave away the power to read my mind
All would certainly soon find
That whats in my expression
And what’s in my mind
Are never truly quite aligned
But I worry not when I do speak
For not one can see nor seek
What I do not want them to
Prying eyes cannot see into my world
Unless I so desire it to unfurl
If you can its because I care not anymore to deny
What’s the point? And when I write its hard to lie
If one can see, its because it can do no harm
Im careful, not careless I know when to disarm
Those that shouldn’t ever know
I’m a secret all the way down
What I want to make known will be found
But then it should come as no shock
That I know to keep all i say under key and lock
Concerning you I have no cure
And I so need to find the pure
In all the things I did years before
But I just do not think I can anymore
And im more sorry than you’ll ever realize
But what you see inside these eyes
Is indifference with a hint of a spark
That came from somewhere out of the dark
And I will not speak and will not remark
On why you never met me halfway
And this started years ago
Did you just decide to give up and walk away?
Without me knowing what to say
Now black and white where once was gray
I cannot simply sink down into the floor
Everytime I hear you ignore.
did you ever notice or know?
Probably not...
I once regretted nothing
Took all mistakes in stride
Now I wish I could start over back so long ago
and wouldn’t have to hide
Such remorse
Just so I wouldn’t ever have to say to you
“I cannot do this anymore”
—C.R.S
It won't be my most popular obviously... BUt that's not exactly the point of this share...it's my history ..maybe a youth will find something I it...it's from 2003-2007. I was 14 and added parts are from 17..I found in journal just now I had a verse wrongly dated
#drugs #sorrow #unrequited #youth love
Liked or faved by...
