Phantom Limb
A phantom limb. A piece of you torn off you feel years later...the lack of it never goes away.
Woke up this morning with pain where it shouldn’t be.
I opened my eyes and knew, while indeed I could see
Something still not right
lost in a time, but I’ll get a hold of me
Its just that phantom limb
Aching where I knew it would be.
I know youre there but you ain’t
And I swear
My walls are sweating their paint
I’ll feel you forever.
I need you like a phantom limb
It hurts at first, especially the first year
Ive shifted gears.
But I know there is no leaving here
The pain will numb
Oh I knew it was there until it was none
But you’ll always be a phantom limb
Just a perfect blend
Of all that had been.
now desired to shun
This was the last
days of love long past
Not an interest in my being
Tired of breathing
The leader of myself
This time I lost it
I gave it to you
power, self respect
Never did that, so what did I expect?
I ran until you caught her
Then lost out under accidental
emotional water
Start to fast
End too early
Like a flame
A match fires up
Wild and untamed
Then burns steady
Only to go out without a sound.
Before its thrown, hits the ground
Thrown from your hand to keep from getting burned
You too afraid to realize what you had
A lover spurned is a lover spurned
And I received just what I deserved.
I fell before I turned.
See, the problem is I got enough matches to last a lifetime.
One box only engraved with a name that binds
And the name is yours
It’s always been yours
we could lay each match end to end and light the flame
Watch them go til we are in the grave
But you just want to lay blame.
To such I am a slave.
And for once I care not if it’s war or a curse.
All I need is an undying love.
To seek my soul from that above
So Just lay your blame.
it wasnt right, hey watch your aim.
No will to sell or earn
A connection once In a lifetime
gave it over willingly
But I could not danger, discern
Oh this time Ive learned
I think I did this time, won’t need it again
Because youre my only phantom limb
pain to numb, the numb to pain.
Back and forth never to soften
Years down the road
I won’t think of it as often?
But I wouldn’t count on it
Because all to often
I feel you next to me
Youre always with me.
A bad song stuck in my head
So I will know you still ain’t dead
Wake up to a dream
And I know youre near me
I know you agree
Whispers on the wavelength
So while I can set you free, I still just sink
I stand now on a tragic brink
We aren’t speaking the same language?
No ours is in the soul.
Never let go.
This much I know, I have it’s proof.
I know we have the needs and the clue.
And I’ve lost footing it’s true
As you still get through
And the sensation a biting pain
All was weakened through the strain
time heals a fresh and open wound
But doesn’t take away the ache
The stitches so many times break
Yes, the ache will stay the same
Some days I’m steady and some days I’ll shake
you respect not that I was not a game
Now, I am just A phantom limb
A piece of my phantom soul
Was I just too bold?
Well I’m A ghost now, growing old
Two with their demons within
Did you not know they knew one another?
Fighting and holding eachother side by side.
By eachother they could abide.
Living with the lie, cried, broken, died
But I fear it not, what has ever been.
Full of a loving decay, til the end.
The light now so dim.
Grasp it now, and will live til the end.
They would one another seriously amend.
Hold it close my dearest friend.
Now just A ghost of myself?
Haunt me, please
Haunt me so, til I appease
Got a long way to go yet
And inside my soul, I cannot ease
I’ll always feel you like a phantom limb
Life will take not what has been
A piece of myself til the end.
A piece of myself that you have as well
And it hurts the most
Because I know, oh I know
I’m on your mind as well
Like a phantom limb
An echoing to one another through an empty shell.
Youre beside me but you ain’t
Because I’m beside you, yet Im faint
No substance or trick will erase it all
Ill be there when you call.
Like a phantom in the hall
But I’m not there
We could’ve shared, All those dreams for free
I know I’m beside you because
I am missing parts of me
Oh would you please share?
Or can we be what we need to be?
Or please just return them to me?
Or else? how can I ever be free?
I’m stripped bare, Raw to the core
My heart and body but a tour
Oh what we had in store.
but still I shall not implore
But I’ve got so much, it is amore.
To the one Ive known
better to never take score
Washed along your forgotten shore
No change after, no change before.
Thought it would, I was wrong
You just went back to your either/or
That’s ok ..
For you never listened to how it was said
I could still be laid up in that bed
Laid up for days without blame
could make it a game
Oh what a game.
But I must be true to who I am
Did you not see?
Did you not understand?
All we had in us to be?
Running away from a dream.
From a few bumps in the road.
Unrealistic, that we could have no such disagreement, be too stern.
Passions brings such.
Didn’t you know?
Oh to become such perfection.
I cannot bring myself eviction.
And never any attention.
To you for my intentions.
That we’ve never been given or learned
Oh but instead you give me silence
When we had a warm alliance
A place that exists for our sake.
Oh understand me, see what’s at stake?
A dream shattered
But a dream we know we could take.
To a nightmare thats eats away our soul.
But it is a good death.
A fire every breath
Turns out fear is very real
Nothing’s what it seems
And now I’m truly bent
all my emotions have been spent
ain’t for anyone else now
I’m not a stone to be thrown to the wind
Because it’ll fall as far as you can throw it
And I know you don’t got the strength to rid me from your bones.
So that stone stays a stone
Right where it is
Beside you or thrown weak across water
skipping farther and farther
Til its too far to aquire.
You should’ve held onto it longer.
But I can’t leave
Youre only phantom limb
An echo through a veil thin.
So thin between you and I
Oh again.
And again.
Id never throw from me
what has been
Pain be damned.
Its never done, can’t you see?
So let’s just have fun?
That’s easy enough for me
Perhaps It’s not that easy but don’t you agree?
We could’ve taken in life in anyway we chose
It was all ours to grow.
Laugh back at any foe.
Played it close til we had to truly know.
You don’t have to tell me
Youre a part of me
Tears that don’t come
Too sad to mourn. Too dead to bleed
To raw to scorn. Our souls were both born
Born against the wall
And mine is yours
And yours is all
Pieces of a whole
Why be bothered?
Ripped apart
And I played my part
With upmost devotion.
Then hid the emotion
Lied to yourself
For the reasons of a fool
Played it cool
When I saw you burning.
Well now both are learning
To ignore what it was all along
Learning to Ignore the signs
A travesty you’ll see it one day.
But a day to late
There is never hate.
Oh it’s been so long
And you’ll soon find
where we have never been
Is always where we were.
I wanna regret, wanna forget
But I woke up today
knowing my doom
And the end that loomed
Youre my fate for good or ill.
Guess it’s ill, here’s my fill.
Take a deep drink.
For you cannot be ripped out
Youre just a flame that never burnt out
A light forced to dark
Just couldn’t just make a silent promise?
An agreement secret in the dark
Could’ve made all the difference
For then I could’ve kept the spark
Played the time away with a grin
Played til we had to be serious
Did you not know that then?
But you just turned into a phantom limb.
Somewhere long down the road.
When you find that the load
Is just too heavy to bear
Not another anywhere
To help you breath
You know I’m there
But you can’t see me
I’m still attached
We may not bleed
But there’s only a thread bear patch
Over what it did to me
Oh give it back, it’s all we need
The light now
Is so very dim
The mood, sober and grim
I’m in a dark that I’ve never yet been
Because I have this phantom beside me
A phantom limb
I still feel it in the wind.
Still hear a voice
Still marvel at the choice
Still would run back to it again.
But you’ll remain my phantom limb
I’ve got all my body
But in my soul I got a phantom limb.
You filled a void that had never been.
A piece only you could fit
And I could have matches lit
As I’ve always loved the smell
Over and over
I’m weak then I’m sober
I’m fading now and all I left behind
Against what I could not defend
And your tears I could not mend
I wish for happiness, that’s so true.
To judge me on what was before.
How was that fair yet I could never implore
Took my ability to tell all to you
For with your flaws an interest grew and grew
You’d wish that for a piece of yourself?
No, hate cannot grow in the place we’ve been
Like a missing limb
I feel the tingle
The ache
Could you not see?
Everything in my blood
Wanted you to live in me.
A connection never severed
There are was a silent night knotted
When there 2 broken souls
Laying bare in the solid dark
Laid without a sound
Between us no cold
Or a movement
Nothing of that kind
Hand threaded ear and hair
A Memory burned
I knew I’d follow, protect this anywhere
A moment shared
But pretend it wasn’t there.
Let’s not tell the truth
Be fair to yourself that I could soothe
Protect you from all that meant you harm
I knew we’d disarm
Any edge brought to the skin
You know what we are and where we been
I put up a flag faded white
A feeling that I could not fight.
And a fire for you as well
This touch could not grow cold
I was sold
I was sold
It would live forever, never growing old.
If we had some sense.
So perfection commence
But no you just become a phantom limb
Full of Eros, love and sin
Acceptance and dominance
All was yours
And I’d defend
All that was ever put up to it
Was it a mystery what was had?
Was there really not a care?
The rules are there
But no one played fair
We burnt it all down
Just to sit back and stare
Here til I’m dead
We will not feel alone.
I meant all I said
Didn’t let it swim like a stone.
I could’ve shown you
what you had never been shown
That you were a piece of my own
A soul tangled in mine
Oh lover of mine.
If I could play it over again
Id saw you off the minute I saw you
So this phantom limb?
Could never know what might’ve been.
It’s all gray, it’s all gray.
The world I love isn’t yours
The heart you have isn’t yours
Why do I feel your fade
I can’t find the shade
From the rays of what we’ve been
All the blame, all the blame
And I still feel the same
Your mind and you claimed
I know you see
You and I?
are written in stone
Well maybe that’s why we will go it alone.
Shadows run and shadows play
The nearness made it all okay
Not everything can be a fairy tale
Troubles come but they always go
Love stays and affections flows.
I was always there to save
Save you from yourself.
Why can’t we take what we gave
I never asked you to save
But youre just part of me
Instinctually
Can’t you see?
I get it now.
The window is open
Breeze through lightly, laid and bare
The music playing
And youd not dare.
Just give me what we both want
turn this glow into a flame
And then wait, play the game.
Don’t become this act
Dont let the stage light fade
The edge of a blade
A tightrope, never afraid
Let’s run it out.
See what it’s about
Make my soul scream
Take me about
Erase this doubt.
promise it’s not an exciting once been
Rather that, than a phantom limb.
Rewind, repeat, ascend
Again and again
I know what we are
And I know where we been
I don’t mean harm
And never offend
I softly take you to the end
Where your hand goes
My body bends
Where my soul begins
Is where yours ends
We are already one
Trust me, do extend
A hand to mine
You’re bleeding only in
To what I could drink in and amend.
Your trouble my own to defend
Why? You should just give in
My bleeding, faded, phantom limb
A solid print is in the skin.
Ghost of a sin.
Haunting
Only beginnings
Never an end.
Let me tend
Let me mend
A ghostly limb.
Be my last and final end
The things we buried
You stole and I stole
Thieves never brought to justice
All these things we know.
But burning bridges, acting mild?
Isn’t the way, You know already
this was meant to run wild
The damage already done.
On the dark side of the sun.
Until fear grew too near
I’m sorry my dear.
I just don’t fear the dark.
When comes another
Write me about it because
They’re walking in my mark
I know where you been
Know where you were
I got everything if you
ever have the nerve
here to serve
power stripped
I gave it up.
It’s quite a feat but no matter that
This was no pending disaster
But a storm before the calm.
That’s not the saying
But I don’t mind being wrong.
Make it yours, it was all along
When the chemicals had all gone.
The worth went on and on.
But the serious has no place right now
We can worry about that later anyhow.
How can one negative destroy a load of positives
Batteries charged forevermore.
Come back when you know.
Life is no fairy tale.
Troubles come and troubles go.
But love knows
the way and goes with the flow.
We always know
Take it slow.
Watch it grow into perfection.
I’m your protection from all you despise
What we do right now is not wise.
This is beauty disguised.
By your negativity.
Never anything so worth the strife.
There is no such space
Between us you see
That would keep me from you
And you from me.
Don’t believe?
Just wait and see.
If this race was won
My life was done
Give in and become
All I’ve ever wanted to be.
Those who seek perfection and myth
not one distaste or disagreement.
Can and will die alone and die within.
You cannot simply have The End.
Without accepting scars
Accepting the soft with the spars.
Turn on the fan
why are you so far?
There’s a red glow
Go fast and slow
Let it all go.
Halfway under
Hands on a bar
Under the sheet
Grip and Pull down.
Leg in a grip pushed down
Over the skin
Up and down
phantom limb gnawing on my soul
I wanna forget
It’s true.
I wanna forget
But who can forget a missing piece of them.
How can we do what we have done
And say what we have said
And it mean nothing.
No it’s something
When you know it’s what this is
Skin to skin back to the start
Just art waiting to happen.
A phantom limb
Never a once been.
Haunt me, just haunt me
Isnt that what all the poems say?
Forever bound
See you around.
I’ll just stay in the gray
Won’t make a sound
A place you can’t see me
So sick of dreaming of you
You could set me free
But I’d still be chained
It’s not the kind you can ignore or choose
Its a phantom limb wether a win or lose.
Still amazed that it only grew and grew
When I walked, said I was through.
But I remained in love with you.
Youre throwing light away to embrace the dark.
You must wake one day to know the fatal flaw In your process
Until then you know what’s best
I trust what makes you feel alive
Wether my presence be more or less.
Deep within my wounded chest
Youre my life
without you knowing this mistake
You must take
What love you make
What makes you shake
I’ll be there when you wake
And I’ll never let you fear
But you’ll have to find this out
on your own, my dear.
Call out in your dreams, i’ll always hear.
I’ll always hear.
You’ll feel me near.
You know I’m there as I’ve no choice
Took away my voice
My ability to share.
What you know was not truly fair.
I’ll always care.
Always more than I can bear.
Still, never fear
Dream of me and I’ll be there.
Only one took away my ability to run.
So what’s a little beauty in the sun?
We ain’t ever done.
And you know it
The breath I have is yours too share.
But let’s play pretend, push it down, spread it thin
My bleeding, faded, phantom limb
I can’t run anymore
I gave up
Surrender.
Gone
You Run.
Just make sure it aligns.
With who and what is truly thine.
What really makes you shine
And I’ll comply, by and by
I told you I was ride or die.
That I have an inability to lie.
I was what you were looking for
And I you.
Don’t throw it away
When there’s so much good to be had.
Take it slow
But know the truth, lies farther down the line.
I promise it’s an end none are used to getting
I’m here in any bind.
I feel you when I’m not around you
The emptiness inside
It’s so very new again.
You are my only phantom limb.
Accept all you are.
But try to get far
And you’ll feel the lack as well.
But with these things you can never tell.
Forgot once that sleep of peace.
Then you.
And I can stare into the void.
I’m devoid of all calm
Holy as the psalm.
Wicked as the curse
Youre my fall.
Held into me.
My birth, my death, my ever all.
—C.R. Stanger.
I am actually pretty happy with this one...wish it wasn't so long but ..yea....hopefully it flows as well In other folks brains as it does my own ..I always have someone read my faster stuff out loud to me to see if it flows how I think it does In my brain. So far this one has. Yet, I think they can be so used to it now that they know how it's suppose to sound...but now that it's done I think I really like the idea and metaphor of this one more than most...might be my favorite lyrical of mine...and it helps Phantom Limb can go with both an unrequited love or someone you have spent your life with and leaving them...so it's relatable in both new and old lack of person...I over use some symbols on purpose..so the new one is nice...but I'm trying to stop overusing some of them...but at same time I like they are throughout some...as if they are part of eachother...I know they can be over used though... Espeically in my lyrical stuff...but yep Long? Weeellll surprise surprise...it's because once I start its hard to stop and I wanna go til I have the perfect punch ending...flow and endings of poems I can obsess over a bit ...this ones certainly done now...think I fixed what I didn't like...it's funny Eminem and RHCP and Modest Mouse phrasing and rhyming schemes have Inspired me as much as Edgar Allen Poe or any other classical poet I like..I always get a few amused chuckles that I note Eminem as a inspiration in phrasing....but it's true heh..shrug....it just happened as I grew up writing...when I would listen to them while writing. Letting the inspiration come. It always made it more real anyways. The sharing of emotion so to speak...but yeeep I'm a fan of this one.
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