Stasis
..I give up on writing anything short. Oh well... Just sorta comes falling out... like this is about from so many a falling out in life with individuals m, mm
Here we are in figurative stasis.
tell me please where my place is.
Where the breakthrough of this brutal case is
Hearts torn from the shallows of the river Styx
My mind rolls from six to six
And it’s on my mind so plain
Whatever did you have to gain?
A heart full but watching from the eyes of the one that’s slain.
Why can’t you
Leave no trace?
I know you cannot keep place
Bend the page just to lose face
I’m forever in someone elses
good grace.
Is it worth the pain?
Someone shouldve warned me
what time would tell
Don’t fool me
I know desperate death
keeps me in your good graces
I can’t live forever within the crawl spaces
Of someone elses bind.
Maybe I scratched my eyes
To be willingly blind.
I can’t find it
I can’t find it.
I’m lost no matter where my mind is.
In stasis
In stasis
is my life beside you in stasis
Limbo in a station
I’ve lived in limbo so long.
I recognize this address
For once of an extreme, am I bereft?
Just limbo, home, where the mail comes
Even though I’ve changed it some
They come in
Letters that have said, not a word
I give the number to everyone trying
to clap their hands in my face
Wake me up
I’m asking you
Wake me up
Concentration
Instigation
I’ve lived in limbo so long
With a train going both ways
Look down there
fire blinds the blinding light
Both instilled my fight
A train goin both ways
And a track that simply lays
Between the veins of my pain
And then the worry vanishes
I’ve never gotten this far
I feel no shame
Waves far past the bar
Where is my ability to run?
Where is my need to sabotage and shun?
Everytime I grow weary of what’s fair.
It vanishes into thin air
And tells me you know what train to fare.
Surely you do?
Surely you care?
I’ve lived in a world of mental games too long.
Much to long for a rerun
But finally I walked away and you turned that way.
I even said aloud we are finally done.
Love right in front of me looks like a wildfire that could only bring danger
And I don’t know how to even take it.
So I run
I run.
You don’t wanna beg.
You don’t wanna chase
I’ll never.
I don’t wanna lose face
No, what unthinkable pride I’ve long embraced
Patience
I cant find the station
But Ill get away
Sure don’t beg. Don’t chase
Teach me how to see in the beauty in the flame.
This never ending back and forth
This same of the same
Teach me I don’t need questions
I know the answers too.
For every time I’ve been forced to in the past
I’ve had to question.
Because it’s all I’ve ever known
It’s always because I’ve asked
That I see the glow
It’s all I can do
It’s all I can show
I’m learning to walk again
From a crawl, limbs of stone
I didn’t even know I had been alone
Words and not the touch
Proof in the words
Proof in the, what doesn’t mean much
Silence, because I’ve forgotten how to believe in such.
You told me sozz lllklll
If I’m silent it’s because I’ve been told that’s the best way to go
If you feel too much you die inside
And oh, the horror, for it will show!
If told what’s there has not died
I can
I go vulnerable once
And if it’s thrown back in my face
I’ll run
I’ll run.
You’ve taken the sun.
Yea we were fun
But the proof is in the stasis
Two swords and a blind fold
Destroys the two cups and wrists bound
An audible choice
a physical voice
Tell me what I need to know
Through your own mouth
Not those who loved others and sang their song
That’s only half a truth
It’s a fascinating tool
But still a tool
One that can make a fool
Of someone truly in love
And one day it’ll be to much to believe
Even these words read cannot be taken true
Nor for granted.
See the confusion?
It’s not a world for this
Our words and notes can’t say it like it really is
Exaggeration.
Holds you in stasis
Of what the case really is
Love is raw
Love is saying it like it is.
Or touching with the eyes
The way skin already has.
Two swords and a blind fold
In stasis
In stasis
You think I want your things
When I only want your mind
You think I need your help
When I only needed your love
You think I’m begging for a life
When all I want is yours.
All the rest couldve come in time.
Wake up
Or I’m gone
I’m already here but complete and gone
The pain is not a pleasant one
The stain is not a small one
My heart hasn’t felt it
My heart hasnt felt it yet
A dangerous taste of my own hell.
Savor this touch of the darkest pale.
Willingly put up my soul to sell
To an effigy of a memory yet seen.
I never wanted the green
Just your obscene.
But you disappear.
Disappear in your own world
Everyone needs time to their selves
Don’t I know it?
But when your in stasis
The time spent healing in your shell
Is wasted
Its a precarious time to be alone.
You wanna play or go it alone?
Well why not just tsay so
Instead of a guessing game
Cutting me to the deepest .
You still haven’t figured it out.
I’m quite deep in
And you don’t even care to know it.
And I knew it.
I viewed it
Laughed at my carelessness
With the 3rd
And I let the guillotine fall anyways
On the red revolution of my soul.
The reign of terror was a goal.
I could walk barefoot into the sunset
And never look back to regret
Because death just aint a threat
Not to me.
It’s simply a doorway to another
Another.
The material world I never fret
I’m in stasis
Til it’s a figure of my imagination
I ain’t anyone you tried to play before
Little hustler play those games, I’m out the door
I need you like a poison.
Unfortunately it’s a good taste.
And we spit the same.
I knew at the start
We were the poison and antidote
To everything we were before
And everything we could’ve been
But oh someone’s found their bored
I’ll show you shame.
I can quit this game.
Don’t act over me.
Don’t play over me.
I see.
I see.
Obsession with the good life got me ill
Never had time for dreams like that
I’d ride a train with a stranger from coast to coast
When I step up to bat it ain’t for pay
But for what I’m craving the most
Security for a standing toast
Clink the glasses
Shatter them on the floor
Yea like I said walking out the door
Stasis makes no difference
When you’re a wind tearing down the street.
fool so foolish I only wanted you
What was
White hot in the cold winter
Cold and dead by the heated summer
Regret is your place
And looks like your race was a winner.
You did it with your pride intact
There ain’t no way back
I’ll simply go forward with pain from what I thought I lacked
I’m going away while I still have a piece of mind
Because my heart stays with you
In stasis
Leaving you in stasis
You made this
Expectations and standards of a fairytale
Not what real life is.
You made the mistake
I wish you luck in stasis
You had in me a safe out
No judge in sight
You threw it away
When you see the light
When you see the light.
I’ll already be in anothers fight
Because that’s real life.
Not what this place is
Not here in stasis
You build your own fight.
And like a black hole brought all elses
Blame everyone but yourself.
I took mine.
Don’t you think it’s time you took yours?
Or do you know the meaning of the word?
Unless Its anyone blame but yours
I’m as free as a bird but
With every bone crushed in its body
It’s exactly like you heard her
Guess ill take another hobby
And pretend my mind isn’t screaming murder.
Brought them back to life
Only to be left murdered in bed.
In the night of the soul we saw coming
Wisdom isn’t for the dead
Mesh like water and oil
Take me once for a fool
Take me twice
And I’ll slit its throat
Bleed out fast to forget any tool
Even i
Forget harshly as fire
Drowned myself in the shallow part of the pool
But let’s keep it cool
Forbid that you know this was the escape
Alive. Full and heart of blood
Cut in two from the start
Speaking through another’s tune does not bring the water to a boil
Simply simmers and becomes a lie.
Truth is in the eyes
Sitting right in front of you.
when they are naked as the skies
But i guess it was raining was it not?
Remember the thunder was loud that day.
I just had to say all there was to say
Couldn’t make me death
But once j no nut
Don’t chase anything for anything.
You need to feel for that
Feel real love for that.
I’m leaving stasis
When you think you know where your place is
Turn around and your simply in stasis.
Eviction before the notice
You should’ve took notice.
But live your lonely, happy, safe life.
In stasis
Running warmth to warmth
Storm to storm.
No, I want something worn
Remade in the waters gray
Shape out of the universe like clay
But stay in your cycle
Where nothing can touch you
But neither can you feel a touch that is real.
You love your flattery
Don’t pretend it was more than that for you
I saw that from the first needy sign.,.
And if it was tell me true
Or it was dead before it hit the ground running.
And it was running.
Hit the brakes to late
To late to see disaster coming.
Tell me something true
Or I’m leaving stasis
And forgetting you.
Is it so shocking to show your a real person?
Of flaws and blighted rules
Love isn’t expectations not met.
It’s loving the lovers inside the fools.
Holding the tools
To cut the child from the man
You made up myths that became human
Many thanks from the myth that was fool enough to try you
The myth that turned too real for you
I never made a myth of you
I saw your real
And knew I’d see you through.
I saw your flaws
gifts, anger and pain.
I liked them all they weren’t perfection.
Why?
Because you make me feel such anger, pain, laughter, irritation.
Sadness and elation.
I accepted each one
The whole of intention.
What else would it be
when push comes to shove?
What else would this be?
If it were not love?
And that is enough
Perhaps it’s reckless, quickly taken of.
Yet I question not anymore the mystery of.
There is patience where before I had none.
There is forgiveness swift
when it comes undone
No, how can I question anymore?
Not anymore.
it’s not quite the same as it was before.
Still I throw it away and then turn around and want more.
Steady, solid, frustrating allure.
Don’t give up at the first test
Unless you’re certain
That you know what is best.
Because sure it could be seen as a untidy mess
But you do not have to look far to see it is blessed.
No, how could you lose faith
at the first aggress?
No, it’s always more and more and never less
Why am I fooling?
Always more lies and your constant stress
I leave you under distress
For all your own issues
No, matter how many questions left to guess.
You leave me under the stasis
I’d burn every word I’ve ever written in love
Because it’s only now do those words truly hold their weight.
I deserve the pain that I gave to fate.
Because it gave it back to me too late.
I didn’t know anything until now of love and hate.
You made me forget everything.
Now I have to forget you?
Impossible
The back and forth is killing me
Could it be
we both need a lesson in trust?
Or is it that to you I’m just not a must?
Break my trust
Shoot it in the head and be just.
Please just be just.
You ran away the second I felt touched.
Too many emotions when fk was much
To little emotion and your in disgust?
You don’t know what you want
Yet I’ll be caught here forever
In my equilibrium of rust.
Lost its will to move
Simply gasoline waiting to combust.
Or a raging flame combatively, successfully fought out.
A match that m burnt out.
A marching soul turned about.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt fear.
Well until.
Well until.
Keep it still.
—C.R.Stanger
2023
23
I didn’t realize this was on private.. it’s just run on nonesense but I didn’t mean it to be private
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