I’m trying to remember, I really am I swear.. it’s just, ever since December when she left my heart on the sidewalk in front of that coffee shop I was going to propose at I just.. I haven’t been the same. Was it blue.. no no, it was green.. or wait.. Was it purple.. shit. I don’t remember. I can’t remember much of anything I just.. I know that she was wearing the color that made the golden flecks in her eyes sparkle like the sun on a Wednesday afternoon in the fall... Oh, fall.. that’s when she told me she wanted to be together forever.. I remember that only because my heart skipped a beat like an imperfect rhythm being played by a middle school band member... God damn it she was supposed to want forever.. last time I checked the world didn’t end on Christmas Eve when she said his name instead of mine... Maybe by forever she meant until she wanted to stop MY world... all I know is I’m double fisting bottles of bubblegum vodka because it was her favorite.. thinking maybe if I drink enough of what she likes it will start to taste like her.. it will start to taste like love.. maybe by making everything blurry I won’t be able to make out her face in an old photograph I still haven’t taken off my nightstand.. or maybe I can get drunk enough to forget the way her lips wrapped around the words “I’m sorry, I love him”... fuck... I can’t remember much but I can damn sure remember all the pain.. how do you forget something like that..