In the beginning There is a darkness in which All you can see are the others But then you have time To find God

We ask people How are you doing? because it’s the easiest way to prevent them from actually telling us how they are doing

In the world to come The United Nations will finally r… If you can’t beat ‘em Join ‘em

I survived my humiliation By treating it like a joke Through becoming a joke myself In order to in turn survive my bec… I became a running joke

If you want to win friends and inf… Find out what they care about (This is easy) Ask them about it (This is significantly harder)

People want the lockdown to be enforced with facial recognition technology because they don’t recognize thems…

There was once a time when No Jews allowed Meant No Jews allowed But now they say

Just as He covered 2/3 of the Ear… God made us each 2/3 water To make it obvious But not too obvious That we don’t ever die

Just as a lucky horseshoe works Whether you believe in it or not As long as the competition to pass… Goes on forever Then everyone’s a winner

When my father-in-law dusted the cobwebs off our front p… they were back within the week It is hard to feel sorry for a spe… that has negligible capacities for…

Contemporary pacifism attempts to… One full fathom deep But repression is just short for The return of the repressed So, you can tell a modern pacifist…

Yes, I am most afraid of losing c… But you can’t lose what you don’t… So, I’m afraid of nothing Which is how you die alone The only way to live together

You know a hipster is aging gracef… When he comes to see that Objects in mirror Are closer than they appear

When did we ditch the Pledge of Allegiance for the wedge of a grievance

Knowledge is power said the company man of the hour on whom we all soon began to sour for institutional knowledge is dou…