Word Vomit V.II
By: Ezekiel Gonzales
Walking through the streets of downtown, I find there’s something—Or someone,
following my steps
like a nagging fly, always around the corner, just out of reach
Can’t seem to smack it out of the air
What an annoying little buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz,
Buzzing in and out of my head,
buzzing in my eyes and mouth, buzzing down and around my body
It’s never quite the same;
you and me, the lives we lead, the people we meet,
the food we eat, the clothes we put on
Always something, always something, never not nothing
You take it all in stride, I see the distant past
My words can’t find the page, can’t reach the page, can’t fall from my hands
Looking up to you, I’ll ask: “Can you find my words?”
Holding my hands close to my chest, tearing my eyes away, blocking it out
There’s not enough strength left for me
What is it you said?
That lonely feeling won’t go away, won’t ever go away
Please, won’t you take it away?
It’s an endless darkness I feel growing deep inside, take this all away—
Someone make this all go away!
Another day, just one more day, careless and empty
Pity won’t work on me
Is this where the line ends, drawing to a close?
Nothing for miles, nothing, nothing, nothing
Is this what it all amounted to?
Calling out for someone that never existed—
What a cruel punishment
What is Balance?
I want me as I am!
They say it’s such a shame as to what happened on that day
you and me, the lives we led, the people we met,
the food we ate, the clothes we wore
Always somewhere, always somewhere, never not here
You took it all with grace, I take it in the face
My words are falling off the page, falling around the page, falling from my hands
I look away from you—
Mouth agape, eyes shrouded in gray
How come?
Repeat!
I don’t know what is happening; the world is going by too fast,
too far gone are these feelings
Chasing after something I know not for seems pointless,
wouldn’t you agree?
Standing in a daze, standing among the crowd, standing with you—
When did I get here?
Falling to my knees, falling and pleading
Tear it all down—I’ll tear this whole damn place down, nothing should remain as I still stand
What time was spent should be preserved under my bed
Did nothing ever happen, did anything ever exist,
did you ever know what “I love you!” meant?
Give the truth,
speak before the peace is broken
I can’t
Waking up from such hell is pleasant, too morbid of a dream to be real
Right?
There’s something screaming in my head
I don’t know who is who anymore!
Choosing what to see, hear
Big decisions for such a little me
Knocking on walls, messaging through the phone, sharing a meal
Tell me you love me, one more time
That lonely feeling hasn’t gone away, never will it go away
Please, someone take it away!
It’s an endless darkness I feel growing deep inside,
someone make this all go away
Another day, just one more day, now always careless and empty
Pity won’t work on me
Was there Balance?
What even am I?
