I feel so emotional but yet no tear is falling.

I feel my eyes are full of water but yet no tears

I’ve became so numb to pain that tears aren’t falling.

Sad movies sad music sad story yet no tears

I  just want to crawl under an rock and never come out

I want to be isolated from the world

Nobody understands the thoughts and pain you have to fight thru

Would I be better off dead

Would I be able to finally release those tears

Nobody understands you

No one will ever understand the fighting of demons in your head

They say your weak

They say your crazy

They say you want attention

But they don’t know how hard it is to not be in control of your feelings

Your emotions

Your thoughts

Why aren’t the tears falling down my eyes yet They are so heavy

Why aren’t the tears strolling down my cheeks when I can no longer hold it in

Is it because I’m strong

Or is it my demons in my head playing tricks

I sit here and I wonder when will this end

When will I be myself again

Is that even possible to be myself again and not floating outside of my body

My body is falling apart

My body is shutting down

But yet I get up every day eyes still heavy demons still roaming in my head taking control

I want to be alone far away from anyone even my love ones to them its abandonment but they will never understand what your going thru I feel so far gone beyond repair

What is out there to help me repair

Medication?

To where I’m a zombie with horrible side affects

Counseling?

To just see someone nod their head pretending to understand

Anger?

To losing your freedom beyond repair

What is out there

A black hole waiting for me to fall down deep

Hiding from your demons under dark sheets

Just want to float in the ocean and slowly fade away.

The ocean is my peace it’s relaxes me

But yet I just want to walk til I can’t touch bottom anymore

Just slowly sinking as my body releases the tears that wouldn’t fall

That just wouldn’t shed

I just want to be free

Free from what

My pain

My suffering

My demons

My mind

My body

Don’t cry when I’m gone cause now I will finally will be free

I see myself outside my body smiling down and tears flowing down my cheeks as I float away in the deep blue sea. That will be the day life will be great and I’m in control.

Why does it seems like death is the answer

Well what is?

How do you tell someone who’s been fighting depression anxiety demons for so long that everything is going to be OK?

You can’t

You simple can’t.