unfit caregiver
they all say I’m strong,
but they just don’t know the truth
I didn’t get a choice, in what I’m going threw
no1 ever asked me “feel like being strong?”
I didn’t choose this shit, I just got dragged along
so I’m finally guna b honest
I wanna scream it loud
IM NOT A GREAT PERSON, I JUST CANT TAKE THE SHAME
the guilt, that he has no one, and I just walked away
sitting in the ICU
beating myself up in my brain
I cried there right beside him, and prayed hed be okay
I didn’t want him to leave this earth, at least just not that way
I thought about his motorhome,
and his simple little life
his dirty old shoes, and how he never found a wife
I thought about the times, he tried to make things right
I never took that beach trip, it was killing me inside
I wanted him to live, so we could make up for all the past
but the truth really was, there was no going back
we never really bonded, and nothing changes that
& when he lived I thanked god
I thought we had another chance, I was naïve in thinking, that hes just bounce back.
but as his sickness grew, my resentment did as well,
I was stuck caregiving for someone who made my life a living hell
when I brought him home, there wasn't a beach trip,
it was already to late, he was already too sick
and that’s when I had no choice, I had to handle all his shit
not because I want to
not because I’m strong
people like to think that
but they just have the story wrong.
my dad who never was really in my life got really sick instantly , and I was left to take care of him by myself because I had no family. people always give me credit for taking care of him so young... but I didn't get a choice. Some people will think this is a horrible thing to write about, but its the truth about how I feel, ugly is real.
