There’s moments I’m content with being alone figuring out how, and what I want for my life, relying solely on the path God has for my life, in my waiting season.

Then slowly I get to into my thoughts thinking about how lonely I am, wanting the comfort, cuddles and intimacy, it becomes a craving, a feeling I can’t shake off me, like a drug, needing my fix..

So I began to unblock old flings wondering who will it be to fix the craving, the feeling, the loneliness.. who will be my drug

Now that I’ve found the perfect contender to be my fix I began to prepare myself for what the comfort will feel like, what the intimacy will look like..
then I also prepared myself for the feelings after it’s all done, will I still feel lonely? Will I be fulfilled? Is it worth the heartache?

After it’s over I’m left feeling uneasy, unsatisfied, unloved, and used.. but is it really used when I’m using them too? I think to myself maybe this time he’ll see me for me, maybe he’ll see the longing for love in my eyes... the craving to be seen.. to be loved.

My thoughts take over.

Am I worthy of love?
I’m just a body that’s being used.
I’ll never been seen for the love I can give, I’m only seen as a sex object.
How do I redeem myself? How can I see myself worthy? Of love, intimacy, and comfort.. who am I?

Lust is one hell of a drug.