I remember when I was just a child, how Christmas was a magical time for me.
     I’d be so excited for Christmas day that I’d simply let all my worries drift away.
            There’s not much I could lose back then. 
Things change when youre older, 
       we move out,
have our own family’s,
build our own home. And when things go wrong and don’t work out, . You can lose everything in a shout,   lose yourself & even who you are.  everything you’ve been working towards  suddenly drifting afar.
            You try to be strong, have the will to hold on but find it so terribly hard when there’s no one close by to lean on.
           You look at the place you’ve been calling your home,                                                                              the new furniture we bought in the hall, the photos on the wall.
              But what breaks your heart is our little girl by the tree, sat beside the window as happy as can be.
    the midday sun that shines through the glass, lights up her face, a sun shiny mask.  
                      She is happy, content, her face lit with festive excitement,
                                      only she doesn’t know this Christmas will be different. 
        Your husbands moving out before Christmas day.
                You wish it was as simple to persuade him to stay.
                               The house full of colour, greens, reds and golds,
                                      but all you feel in your heart is gut renching cold.
The fire is lit and tree lights they glow,  your little girl turns to look at you, you never want her to know.
     her face falls concerned,
           she reminds me its Christmas,
                       strokes my hair, I love you she says,
                               before making her way back to the spot where she plays.
Gone are those days when you had nothing to lose, except though.. your parents, But with hearts that will always love you.


(2014)

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