My Grandfather
His death took from me
Not like my mothers though
Her death left me full from deprevation
He is her father...
The first i knew of a man.
My father died
When I was eight.
The only men i knew of i wanted to call them daddy while they fucked me
How sick am i?!
Looking for a father figure
Searching for a man to love EVE when i didnt love myself
Not even my brother could love me
Protect me
Provide for me
He didnt love himself..
Or atleast thats what i thought.
So stuck in the systems of planning he had plans for decades
The nigga never moved.
Never evolved
So afraid of change
He just loved the feeling of what could be
The weed made him feel like he was evolving
But he was..,
Revolving
In a circular motion
Thats the only example of a man
I had
Until my grandpa.....
He saw me
I swear he had to feel me
And i promise he never touched me.
Not like freeman
But he moved me
Took a ring out of his personal and said i never gave it to my wife...
I want you to have this...
He changed my life
Bought value to what i thought was nothing
Just a body
Eyes
Lips
Ears
A nose
A head
And a heart
but............. he saw
A mother
A hard working lover
A cook
A cleaner
A prayer
A giver
A forgiver
A see-er
A do-er
He—saw—value.
He changed me.
I feel like he made me.
All these years ive been crying for attention
Throwing tabtrums for attention
Going broke for attention
Sucking dick
Paying for trips
FOR FUCKING ATTENTION.
And in one gesture...
He invested in what ive been missing.....
R.I.P GRANDPA. .
