Go Ahead and Ask for Whom it Tolls
(An ottava rima countermanding Donne’s request)
Sure, ask who died, and ask why Jennifer
Won’t have Brad’s baby, whom she’ll wed instead.
Read how the princess slept with her chauffeur.
See Mary’s image on a slice of bread.
Get proof that so-and-so’s a murderer,
And pictures proving Elvis isn’t dead.
Why, shucks, deprived of all this folderol,
Damned few of us would have a life at all.