nerves
i can't explain it, but i hate myself, and i think you hate me too
i always get the feeling
that under my own watch
someone is staring
directly at me
“me?”
i wonder.
why me?
why me, of all people you look at me?
no, look away
i don’t deserve to be looked at
i don’t want you to look at me
but i do
i like the attention
i yearn for your gratification
yet theres something about me
that won’t allow me
to voice my opinions
“go away,”
i think to myself
why are you looking at me?
there’s much prettier girls to look at
i’m not one
and you’re not REALLY looking at ME, are you?
you’re looking at a feature
like my big nose
or my thin top lip
or my crooked glasses that look too big on my chubby face
even my stained teeth with the overbite jaw
it has to be something
not just me
i’m not pretty enough for you to do that.
you must be staring at me because you hate me, don’t you?
out the window, everywhere i go
because you want me to burn
your blood boils at my sight
you hate my guts and you want me to die a slow painful death.
did i do something wrong?
why are you looking at me?
is it something in my teeth? or on my clothes? or in my hair?
i don’t understand
why
would you
look at
me?
im nothing special
i’m worthless
im nobody
but you’re not worth my time
i look away, hoping that you do too
but you don’t
you keep looking
a shiver runs up my spine
why are you doing that?
do you like me
or do you not
could you make things clearer?
am i an overthinker?
am i an idiot?
maybe i am
maybe i should get it
but i don’t
maybe it’s just nerves
low self esteem check
