Goodbye and Hello, by Jacob Sandoval | poems, essays, and short stories in Poeticous

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Jacob Sandoval

Goodbye and Hello

Though I seem cool calm and collected,

I’m fucking falling apart,

I’m tearing at the seams,

I’m looking at this façade that I’ve put up,

To make myself seem great,

but you know I’m okay,

I’m not okay,

I’m a good person,

I’m the worst person in existence,

I love her deeply,

I RUINED IT.

I listened to the voice that your parents tell you to ignore,

apparently I gave up,

I didn’t fight enough,

but that was the hard thing to fight.

I’ve fought the urge to go down for the long nap,

and THIS is the hardest thing.

I’m sorry for the damage that I have done.

I’m sorry for the amount of trouble I’ve caused.

I’m sorry for ruining something great,

but know,

that I will never leave.

I will never abandon you.

I know the emptiness your feeling,

I know the emptiness of being abandoned.

I promise I’m not like the others.

I want to see you succeed even if I’m not holding your hand,

I’ll just be behind you telling you, “I’ll be here to pick you up, dust you off, and get you back in.”

I will never leave.

I will never be my dad and abandon you.

Just show up for me,

and I’ll see you on the other side.

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