At The Ledge
Each time before when I had fallen, landing in the pit below,
I found upon the ground were words that I could gather up to build
a latticework of scaffolding to climb upon so I could go
back to the surface with the crowd, but every time I found that still
I’d stay close to the ledge not knowing why I didn’t walk away.
I told myself it wasn’t wise. I asked, “why don’t you ever learn?”
It seemed t’was in my blood forever, an unexplained desire to stay,
a search for reasons I could finally give up once again and turn
to take that foolish step and plunge myself back in the pit of pain
where I would sip it down as liquor, custom stilled to quench the thirst.
It had become the only way I knew to feel something again,
a custom-made handcrafted sculpture of what was to me the worst.
But somewhere in that dreaded cycle, midst the chore of gathering words,
I found some until then passed over. No, t’was not at all by chance.
I knew they were those long ago while in my youth I’d onetime heard,
but I had never chose to use them. They seemed foolish at a glance.
They were to me the words of fable, used to herd the crowd above.
But in my hour of desperation there was nothing else to do,
and so I started sifting through them til I found the word of “love”,
then stood there staring at it until I had fully thought it through.
This was the word I had avoided. Felt it was so overused.
It seemed to mingle every single poem and book and tale and song.
But in that moment standing there I realized I’d been confused,
that everything I had associated it with had been wrong.
For in the pile I’d found it in were other words I’d also passed
over and I must admit, I done so all the while in fear.
Won’t ever understand it but, I finally opened up and asked
God to help me, then I stood in silence wondering if he’d hear.
But I was soon distracted for I watched the words, before my eyes,
move out from the pile where one by one they all aligned themselves
into the most poetic prose, so as I read it made me cry
and when I wiped the tears away, I looked around and found myself
atop a mountain, high above the land below, no longer near
the pit of pain. I stood there for a long time taking in the view,
and as I did the message that the words formed became very clear.
The word of “love” stood boldly in my mind and I knew what to do.
The years have now passed on ere since that time I finally changed my ways.
Would like to say I’ve never since come close unto the pit of pain,
but I admit, I still go there to celebrate my darkest days,
and when I’m there I stand close to the edge to look back down again.
But now each time I stand there I no longer feel the way I did.
Not there to fall, but rather simply view it from the ledge above.
I guess I like the feeling I get when I walk away instead...
knowing that it’s possible because I finally learned of love.
