How am I found?
My demise began at my genesis
Stuck between hymn pages covered in excrements
That so haunt me these last days
Like a reel being forced down eyes
Glimpsing into yester-year
Where as a boy I made to grow cold and numb
By hands of a wretch stealing my mirth
And replacing it with choking self-doubt
And malicious self-hatred
So much that I sidle the gates of being a ghost
Between the hours and minutes of my day
I cannot but sneeze with hearing the echoes
RIng inside me like a death parade
Making my constitution shake
With unrelenting anguish
For myself, my true self
Which is forever lost to me
Sunken beneath the dead corpses
Sweetly at bed
Without a care or hope left
What you don’t understand, dearie,
Is that I’ve felt dead for so long
And needed an awakening
Something to pull me up
Like a phoenix streaming in the air
So I can lay to bed the raven in my heart
You told me that you find me interesting
I could not light my lips upon the same breathes as you
But I believe that you were carried away as I was
For my shadow knows whats behind these blue eyes
And encrusted upon this moldy heart
That I once gave
I don’t have the talent to see as you do
I am forever deemed to view my former person
As one trapped inside of a prison of thoughts
When I speak of a love I bear myself
Its all as dirty as the ground I walk
But all the same I thank your tender heart
For appraising me with regard as you do
But my puny self wasn’t really enough, was it?
It is a half man that walks the road I do
Stuck between the books of eras he wished he belonged in
And this evil joke of charismatic nature
Where one has to bite the bitter pill of humanity
Sliding down the throat with sweet whiskey
Letting the lunacy fill the brain
As I am shaking in my bed
Coddled my own demonic thoughts
As I lay abed with the griefs of the day
But dearie, you have given me the greatest gift one could
To keep myself wrapped in chains
Adorned with a a magnificent lock
Where the only key has been swallowed
Like the worm
To dissipate into oblivion
Where not even God could ever find it
And you were correct I was honest
I was a fool! I was a sap to believe
That anything worth having in this world
Could be got by uttering any such words
And I was a sap to hope
The final hope does not reside in me
And never has
So I begin anew
Trying to forget and not acknowledge anything
Wishing for a release I know will never come
And resume to hide myself once again
It is not natural to trust humans like that
Trust is not built into their veins
Its a foreign property
Which must be weeded out
Like the vermin it is
Posing as a friend by enemy
There is a darkness stirring in me
Not against you, but nonetheless it stirs
Bringing all the old grievances up
All the pain and turmoil is now bubbling at the surface
Which I kept so neatly tucked beneath
The blood curls in me
And a vehemence of wrongs done
Will not go unnoticed
I speak unto all you ghosts that reside inside of me!
I have not the strength to endure you
I love the hate I bear you
And am wearied my your voices
But I guess I must travel always with you
As is my charge
Under lock and key I find myself
Pining under the dim hue of an empty room
Splattered with screams and noises
That bounce this heaven-devoid room
With walls that speak out at me
Their murderous opaqueness clutching at me
And I fall from exhaustion
And am devoured in a rush of gnarled teeth
With the twilight hissing at me.
