One of my earliest memories as a toddler was a summer afternoon in the 1950’s....my mother sat me on her brother’s motorbike so she could take my picture to add to her collection of smiling
alibis... smiling fantasies....page after page of false memory syndrome ...endless summers of smiling faces....kiss-me-quick hats...
“say cheese!”
“Oh!...let me take another one, you weren’t smiling”
dressed up
trussed up
another souvenir of  1/120th of a second that didn’t exist another photograph... to keep the record straight
So she plonks me on the bike while she peers into the frame, then suddenly everything is red and a searing pain ..........I’ve got my little foot stuck to a red-hot exhaust and the flesh is burning right to the bone ...and it’s smoking and everyone’s shouting and
swearing....and the pain is tearing through my brain .......chemikals released to kill the pain......the most powerful chemikals unknown to man.....so mum does as every good mother should and calms me with a whole tube of smarties ..........then the sugar courses through my veins.....leaving it’s poisonous stain .....and the pain
.......and the pain
......and the pain
........dissolves

stage two.........of the right thing to do.......baby calming......  giants start apportioning blame....
BASTARD!........SLAG!....FUCK YOU........FUCK YOU TOO!....WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA DO?.....

Mum takes control.......comes back with a bowl.....and washes the dirt away.....then holding me tighter than tight....to arrest any fight the bigger FRIGHT..........I..O..DINE!!!!!...SSSSCCCRREAM!!!!!  Spasm....can’t breathe now tighter the squeeze.....as she reassuringly says “shut-the-fuck –up”........”the more you struggle......the more it will hurt..............” so I relax a little (as much as I can).....and she does it AGAIN....  then puts me down on the path.....with another fistful of sugar-coated treats...............and the chemikal of fear runs once more ........looking for the exit door.....but all the doors are locked and barred......with unbreachable sugar-guards.....round they go, in search of release.......like headless chickens till they run out of steam.....then they twitch and then they shudder.....and fade, to lay in wait... in the pit of my stomach, like reserve troops waiting for battle.......
“Cuppa tea john?”.......
“naw make it a cawfy!”.....
“three sugars wi that?”.....
“aye anna kit-kat, a twix anna packettafags......”

For forty-odd-years I hammered the weed... and jumped from one drug to another.......uppers and downers and turn-inside-outers..  the craving I never could feed.......from trauma to spasm...  I wandered the chasm.......in search of a door of release..  I sank to the bottom.....where everything’s rotten including most of my teeth So I gave up the sugar............to get some release and quickly discovered ........that sweet is the thief the pain was still there.....there was no relief my head couldn’t hold it..all the pain had increased....
by the sum total......of every nightmare
every accident...
every argument...
every incident....
every negative reaction
chemikal transaction
sexual distraction
choco-holic satisfaction
neurotransmitter interaction
alcoholic stupefaction.............
oh yeah!...and a chocolate eclair
sugar-junkies are everywhere............most of them are not aware
and if they did they wouldna care..as long as they get their share
to calm the nerves.... to help them breathe
while tate and lyle laugh up their sleeve
punters contract laughing cow disease
sugar with tryptamine and coco-caffeine
eats at the synapse of your dream-machine
know who the pushers are, weigh every deal
sight the slavemasters hand on the wheel
Sugar..........chocolate............caffiene.................crack
the dulling of the memory with kandy-koated-kack
so when you get a little edgy it could be sugar that you lack
sugar is the pushers ace in the pack........
everyones searching for something they lack.....
sugar is the pushers ace in the pack