I Question "To Be"
I Question “To Be”,
Perhaps, breathing, walking,
Talking and thinking is what is meant in “To Be”.
Though, each of us is different individually.
We all share a commonality.
We all question who we are and meant to be.
Have you though, like me wondered?
“Who am I, this me, and whom am I meant to be?
I am fifty seven; all say this is a good age.
Though, personally I do not disagree.
I have as many questions now as when I was three.
Now the why of this is not so clear?
The question which still haunts me is ”Why am I here?"
I recall my youthful years.
I had much happiness and a few tears.
Youth for me was filled with adventure,
Though adventurous is not my nature.
Today because of aging,
Most memories are fogged and unclear.
I recall being in a cotton patch,
The plants themselves were larger than I.
I recall pulling weeds out of garden for fifty cents a day.
I recall fighting with mother and lacking a bond with father.
I recall rebellion and off I went,
Exploring Houston at age fifteen,
Along with other young, rebellious friends,
We struggled to be known and seen.
To each other, we promised loyalty to the end.
I recall being sent off from home after graduation,
A new start for me to begin
Never making it to be a Marine,
Like some friends who did,
This was not so bad,
Young and foolish,
I did not know what I had,
I now know and see what my past created,
My future unknown, I passionately anticipated,
I saw in my friends the hurt they begat.
You must be wondering what this has to do,
With the question of “Who am I meant to be?”
I can only try to comprehend and say,
This question haunts me today as much as yesterday.
I tried to do the right, and alter wrong as I could
Though at times, I have wondered if this was good.
For being good, though right can also be wrong.
I learned also that being wrong can have a lasting effect.
Can be a memory that once in your mind,
Forever it becomes set.
Now, I must suppose...
I am not a person existing at any one place in time.
To be you, depends on your nature, your history,
And what you are currently thinking about yourself today.
For yesterday is gone and though it has affected you,
Today, you are different and your way now is another way.
What you are meant to be is defined in how you-you see.
At times, who you see is something with which you disagree.
Let this not be more than that... what this is,
For understanding you is the beginning of bliss.
Sometimes things are defined,
We come to understand and know,
Other times, there are mysteries that never unfold.
At least for now, this is what I believe.
For in tomorrow there is new material, new knowledge,
“My now” may be more understood and I can feel relieved.
What I am meant to be?
Is not as worrisome as when I can let go,
And just conclude, “As imperfect as I am, I am me.”
Written: january 23, 2010
Copyright by Benito J Cantu, poemas por cantubj
(2010)
I believe "To Be" is your life at different stages, something to rearrange and change. Peace and Love...bjc
