It was a clean break of the neck, the weight of his absence sitting on her shoulders. My mother she promised to love you, even if it meant keeping your side of the bed warm while you were laying next to someone else.
I know time like the life lines on my own palms, I know time as it sits in the back of my throat promising to move faster, faster, where has the time gone, please, come back, please, come back.
I know time because I’ve counted, every day, every hour, every minute that I’ve loved you and you did not love me back, I know time, because I’ve sat with her quietly wrapped around my tongue, I know her, better than you know your own daughter
I know time, like the lump that sleeps in my throat like it has a right to make a home inside the parts of me that have become empty, I know time like the nights I let you look me in the eyes and lie to me, I know time, like knowing I had to sit there and pretend I believed you, when you said you ever used to love her.
I know time, like the minutes that tick by, hours, that tick by, days that tick by, that I sit by your bedroom window
Every car that slows,
my heart races.
I know time like feeling the emptiness of your closet surrounding my skin, like waiting, waiting, I know time, like you never coming home.
I know time like an enemy, like the date you wait for that never shows their face, like sweat that drips down the edges of your shoulder blades while the doctor takes a breath before answering your question, I know time, by its exact density that wraps around me every time I fall asleep waiting, for you to kiss me goodnight.