Butterfly Babies
A small kick
To remind me you’re there
That you’re okay and alive
I’m not alone. I’m never alone.
I wish I could hold you.
I wish I had Dakoda in my arms
And we were both waiting for you to come
I know he’s watching you
Giggling and playing with you
He’s the reason I felt your kicks so early
Your little butterfly kicks...
He knew how much I missed his.
It’s his little gift to me, I know that.
I know God is real. He heard my prayers
A long long time ago
When I sat and talked with him for a long time
And I told him
“I want a boy first. A son to protect my daughter. That way she will never be alone, she’ll never be afraid. She will always have her big brother to run to.”
And in a twisted way,
God gave that to me.
He gave me a son, a son who was needed in heaven
Who spends his days protecting us from above
Who visits me in my dreams.
For a while after I watched him pass on
I didn’t have dreams or nightmares.
Just darkness.
And one night, when I felt so alone
He visited me
He gave me the experience I wanted most
His Dad and I put him in his car seat and we left the hospital
I watched him play and grow
Laugh and smile
With brown hair and beautiful blue eyes.
That’s what he would have looked like
And he shared that with me.
He gave me little blessings.
Then he made a deal with God
He gave me you
His little sister
He helped me feel your kicks so early
Only 14 weeks along
He taught you our little game
Where we would sit together at night
I would poke and he would kick back
He taught you that, I know he did.
He’s watching us, protecting us
Being everything I wanted from a different plane
Reminding me that he’s not gone,
And he’ll always be my little boy.
I’m going to raise you to know
That your big brother is always with you
You will never be alone
He loves you just as much as me
And he is protecting us both
I hope you’ll always know that.
Whenever you see a blue butterfly
Just know
That’s Dakoda.
