House rules
(A warm welcome from the tenant and from the power behind the throne )
Welcome to my crapshack,
It’s where i sleep and play,
And tho i tell you to treat as your own,
There are some rules to obey.
I’m not your silver service,
If you want it, get it yourself,
No topic is forbidden,
But dissing quo will harm your health.
Dont ask for a glass im not fucking posh,
Just use a fucking cup,
If the rugby or doctor who is on,
Sit down and shut the fuck up.
Toilet seat down coz i dont have a dick,
Smoking in the bathroom and bedroom is banned,
My son is a shit but only i can say that,
And its tiny no i dont need a hand.
If you dont like my music feel free to fuck off,
Music is my passion as you can see,
Youll find i have opera, classical, punk, rock and pop,
And that green day is sacred to me.
Dont be offended by my humour,
I find nothing is out of bounds,
And i may like to party and go a bit mad,
I behave when kiwi’s around.
If u cant clear ur plate its ok by me,
My portions can be ridiculously large, Though this is my home and i claim to be god,
You’ll find kiwi’s the one who’s in charge.
Its why he has a room and i kip on the couch,
And you can roll your eyes and scoff,
But he’s my world so if you want to stay,
It wise to not piss him off
(2015)
